MAIN BLOG. LILMISSCLAREE.

2011-11-17T21:29:00.002+08:00

Same. Old. Cycle.

2011-11-17T21:23:00.003+08:00

I was supposed to be stronger.
I was supposed to make a point.
I did. Or at least I think I did.

Then things just sled back to normal.
I felt... happy.
For a while I did.
I felt blessed again.

Then my old self came back.
Timid, afraid, giving, emotional, weak.

I was supposed to take a stand.
And hold it. I... didn't.

And it always ends up the same.
I end up feeling stupid and hurt.

I guess. I blame myself for this cycle.
Until the day I can stand up for myself...
Guess this is how I'll live.

Afraid... and hurt. And useless.

2011-09-14T13:59:00.000+08:00

I heard
That you're settled down
That you found a girl
And you're married now
I heard
That your dreams came true
Guess she gave you things
I didn't give to you

Old friend
Why are you so shy
It ain't like you to hold back
Or hide from the light

I hate to turn up out of the blue
Uninvited
But I couldn't stay away
I couldn't fight it
I'd hoped you'd see my face
And that you'd be reminded
That for me
It isn't over

Never mind I'll find
Someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you
Too.. Don't forget me
I beg
I remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead
Yeah

You'd know
How the time flies
Only yesterday
Was the time of our lives
We were born and raised
In a summer haze
Bound by the surprise
Of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue
Uninvited
But I couldn't stay away
I couldn't fight it
I'd hoped you'd see my face
And that you'd be reminded
That for me
It isn't over
Yeah

Never mind I'll find
Someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you
Too.. Don't forget me
I beg
I remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead, yeah

Nothing compares
No worries, or cares
Regrets and mistakes
They're memories made
Who would have known.. How..
Bittersweet
This would taste

Never mind I'll find
Someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you
Too.. Don't forget me
I beg
I remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead

Never mind I'll find
Someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you
Too.. Don't forget me
I beg
I remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead
Yeah, Yeah..

It hurts.
It really fucking hurts.

2011-07-03T22:38:00.001+08:00

Maybe we're different, but we're still the same
We all got the blood of Eden, running through our veins
I know sometimes it's hard for you to see
You come between just who you are and who you wanna be

If you feel alone, and lost and need a friend
Remember every new beginning, is some beginning's end

Welcome to wherever you are
This is your life, you made it this far
Welcome, you gotta believe
That right here right now, you're exactly where you're supposed to be
Welcome, to wherever you are

When everybody's in, and you're left out
And you feel your drowning, in a shadow of a doubt
Everyones a miracle in their own way
Just listen to yourself, not what other people say

When it seems you're lost, alone and feeling down
Remember everybody's different
Just take a look around

Be who you want to, be who you are
Everyones a hero, everyones a star

When you wanna give up, and your hearts about to break
Remember that you're perfect, God makes no mistakes

2011-05-30T07:58:00.000+08:00

Inside your Heaven

I've been down
Now I'm blessed
I felt a revelation coming around
I guess its right, it's so amazing
Everytime I see you I'm alive
You're all I've got
You lift me up
The sun and the moonlight
All my dreams are in your eyes

I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
Where the storm blows your way
I wanna be earth that holds you
Every bit of air you're breathin' in
A soothin' wind
I wanna be inside your heaven

When we touch, when we love
The stars light up
The wrong becomes undone
Naturally, my soul surrenders
The sun and the moonlight
All my dreams are in your eyes

And I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
Where the storm blows your way
And I wanna be the earth that holds you
Every bit of air you're breathing in
A soothing wind
I wanna be inside your heaven

When minutes turn to days and years
When mountains fall, I'll still be here
Holdin you until the day I die
And I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
Where the storm blows your way

I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
Where the storm blows your way
I wanna be earth that holds you
Every bit of air you're breathin' in
A soothin' wind
I wanna be inside your heaven
Oh yes I do
I wanna be inside your heaven

This song's lyrics really mean so much. Oh wells.

2011-05-20T07:51:00.000+08:00

A friend is one who strengthens you with prayers,
blesses you with love, and encourages you with hope.

A friend...

2011-04-30T17:18:00.004+08:00

I feel so. Happy. Maybe it's the Christmas songs on my playlist! Haha!

Well. When I realized how little I meant to her, I was just so. Broken. I could literally feel my heart drop for that moment.
All that respect. All that admiration. Everything just started pressing on me.
Actually I knew long ago. That I didn't mean anything to her. It's just that it all came true today.

Today was the fateful day in which it became... Real.

Like they say, "It might be true, but it's only when it is vocalized, that it will become a fact."

Well, what's done is done. What's said is said.
I Do regret it. If I could turn back time, I would have let you in. Both of you.

But through this, I've snapped out of it. I've tried stepping into your world.
I didn't feel comfortable. Now I finally got the courage to step out of it.
I'm free. I feel so awesome. I feel like.. Myself again.

And as for you, the other you.
I'm really disappointed. I thought you'd be strong enough to fight it.
But you let your fears overtake you. You submitted.
I only hope that one day you will see what's right and good for you.
As for me, I dont think I can promise that I'll always be there for you.
You've become someone I don't know anymore.
What more someone I can share my worries and problem with?
Youre someone who comes to me only when you're upset.
Until I see the old you, I'm done.

Off to Aunty karen's place for party now!

Cheers!

2011-04-27T15:49:00.001+08:00

Hate that I ALWAYS look forward to something and then it fails.

URGH.

I should stop having this anticipation :(

2011-04-20T15:23:00.003+08:00

Wonder why.

Things always start off awkward,
Then they turn into something good,
Then they turn into something comforting,
Then they turn into something which seems so perfect...
Then they suddenly turn into something you doubt,
Then they turn into something you don't look forward to,
Then they turn into something you drag yourself to,
Then they turn into something you try your best to stay away from.
Then they turn into something you give up on.

From what I can remember,
It has happened to me twice already.

That thing I was once so passionate about...
Its gone.

Why?
And when will I find my real calling?

Sigh.

2011-04-12T09:56:00.001+08:00

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see
How every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then theyre done
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

And I know an angel was sent just for me
And I know I'm meant to be where I am
And I'm gonna be
Standing right beside her tonight

And I'm gonna be by your side
I would never leave when she needs me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then theyre done
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
And I'm gonna be here forever more
Every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

I'm forever keeping my angel close

2011-04-08T09:51:00.003+08:00

You make me feel insignificant,

You make me feel under-valued,

You make me feel useless.

You make me feel like im not giving enough.

You make me feel like I cant do anything anymore.

You do things to make me misunderstand.

You make me feel less loved.

Sometimes, not at all.

Can you blame me for feeling emotional all the time?

2011-04-07T10:38:00.001+08:00

Bipolar Disorder?

2011-04-07T10:08:00.002+08:00

Rejection feels really bad.

When it comes to any situation.

Sometimes i just cant tell the difference between an excuse and a reason.

A reason seems like an excuse, but the excuse seems like a reason too.

Idk whts up w my moods these few days.

Its getting really extreme.

I feel like crying for the smallest thing.

I wish I can find another life outside the one im living in now.

2011-03-29T11:20:00.002+08:00

Its been some time since ive cried.

Dont miss the feeling. Felt good being all positive and stuff for a while.

Felt like rubbing it off people as well.

But things always fuck up.

Why cant we want and need the same things?

Its a lie when people say,

"Do what you want to happen to yourself, unto others. "

BULLSHIT.

When I think about it, I'm willing to do this for you, willing to do that for you.

Sometimes I even actually do it for you.

But I never get it back.

Everyday i already pure torture for me.

EVERY SINGLE HOUR IN SCHOOL.

No actual break from what I'm going through.

Yeah, at times I may not be working on my project.. I may not be coding...

But i'm still STUCK here.

EVERYONE ELSE has a choice to do what they want to do.

BUT I DONT. I'm freaking STUCK here.

Yeah yeah yeah, I know everyone has to go through this in life...

Who am I to complain blah blah blah.

When I'm nervous I have this thing yeah I talk too much
Sometimes I just can't shut the hell up
It's like I need to tell someone anyone who'll listen
And that's where I seem to fuck up, yeah
I forget about the consequences, for a minute there I lose my senses
And in the heat of the moment my mouth's starts going the words start flowing

But I never meant to hurt you, I know it's time that I learnt to
Treat the people I love like I wanna be loved
This is a lesson learnt and I hate that I let you down and I feel so bad about it
I guess karma comes back around cause now I'm the one that's hurting yeah
And I hate that I made you think that that the trust we had is broken
So don't tell me you can't forgive me
Cause nobody's perfect, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

If I could turn back the hands of time
I swear I never wanna cross that line
I should of kept it between us but no I went and told the whole world how I feel and oh
So I sit and I realise with these tears falling from my eyes
I gotta change if I wanna keep you forever
Promise that I'm gonna try
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/j/jessie_j/nobodys_perfect.html ]
But I never meant to hurt you, I know it's time that I learnt to
Treat the people I love like I wanna be loved

This is a lesson learnt and I hate that I let you down and I feel so bad about it
I guess karma comes back around cause now I'm the one that's hurting yeah
And I hate that I made you think that that the trust we had is broken
So don't tell me you can't forgive me
Cause nobody's perfect, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

Not a saint no not at all, but what I did it wasn't cool
But I swear that I'll never do it again to you
I'm not a saint, no not at all, but what I did it wasn't cool
And I hate that I let you down, and I feel so bad about it
I guess karma comes back around cause now I'm the one that's hurting yeah
And I hate that I made you think that that the trust we had is broken
So don't tell me you can't forgive me
Cause nobody's perfect, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

And I hate that I let you down and I feel so bad about it
I guess karma comes back around and I'm the one that's hurting, yeah
And I hate that I made you think that the trust we had is broken
So don't tell me you can't forgive me
Cause nobody's perfect.

Yeah, cool song. Dont think th lyrics make much sense to me right now.

I just hope the grad audition results will be out soon.

At least that will make my day.

And if I get through,

The sacrifices I make BETTER be worth it.

Its not just the voice and the time spent.

Its MORE than that.

Hope no body is looking at me now.

CANT STOP CRYING. FUCK.

Its break time and I'm stuck here.

What to do. What to freaking do.

Wish mommy's on msn. Want t talk t her :(

2011-02-19T13:44:00.000+08:00

I wish I was rich.

And skinny.

And smart.

I should just go sleep now and dream.

2011-02-13T22:08:00.002+08:00

Its been a nice string of good days so far.

Little fighting, loads of laughter, loads of fun.

But all good things got to come to an end, right?

Sometimes I wish I was a vampire.

Theyre able to turn off all feelings.. Like a switch.

Too much vampire diaries i guess.

But you cant blame me.

My life has been pretty empty lately.

Ha ha ha.

Really wish I have something I can be so in love with.

Something I can do and not get distracted.

Miss the days when I woke up in the morning and had everything planned out.

The day was filled with certainty.

But I guess when you let someone so deep into your life,

nothing is certain anymore, right?

Maybe i'll get immune to it.

I really hope so.

Then the day will come when I feel this way,

but know I cant do anything about it.

so I forget it and carry on leading a happy life.

I actually miss crying.

I miss feeling pain.

2011-01-21T08:43:00.003+08:00

think i should really get back to blogging.

miss th times when i had something to blog about every day.

life has become so stagnant like that now i guess.

sigh. its rotating around school, studies, home, occasional jokes w daddy and mommy, and b.

its cool and scary at th same time.. know that its we're all gna go to year 3 next sem...

honestly, until now, i know close to zero about IT. sad, but true.

most definitely not going to continue on it =\

one of our tutors came t talk t us ytd abt our strengths in coding and all..

and he was like, 'you passed c# right? means you should be able to handle...'

i was like no no no no no no i really know zero about programming!!!

i just hope my attachment place will be nice to me and offer me a fun job.

like b's. he learnt how to handle and troubleshoot computers and all.

i'd like to learn that. at least its practical.

like, why should we even be coding?

well, if you have a dream of making a program or a game or something in future, then sure.

but nah. im a simple person.

i just wna help people. most probably kids :)

two main routes after i grad though.

its either towards NIE for training (8year!!!!!) or to some private uni to study business and then do something in sales.

th commission in sales really draws people.

my mom used to be a successful sales personal before quitting.

and whooooooooooooooot!

those were her glory days. hahahaha. we were lucky she had all those savings.

if not, wouldnt have any f21 for me now! hahaha.

oh wells. had diarrhea this morning =\

not a good start for th day.

and i dont know if i can keep pretending that nothing happened ytd night before we were to bed.

sometimes i wish i could just be like you and pretend nothing is wrong.

you cant do that face to face, but you sure can do that online or via sms.

hahaha like what your friend say, lying/tricking is coming naturally to you now days.

hahahaha. hope its not true.

ah heck, i believe you wont lie/trick me for no reason.

maybe you just think its fun. or good for th situation. idk.

its like every time we dont spend th day together or meet for a long time,

smth like this will happen and you never ever tell me abt it until i get so upset.

wonder when will it all ever change.

you were th one who said this cam go on now... but what happens when you start work and all?

you dont know if you still have time to give in to me and everything right?

oh wells. everything has been going great ever since i came back to sgp.

but so fast? another hiccup? ah i dont know.

just that every time something like this happens, it spoils my entire day.

or entire 2 days. depending on how long you chose to keep it inside and not tell me abt it.

you might be avoiding it, but it doesnt mean its not there, or it never existed.

you said, dont hide things from you. arent you doing th same to me?

im so tired. sigh. gna go shower and then head to school for dreadful SWENG.

hope theres no surprise test or whatever today.

man. i miss blogging. i should blog as much as i can :)

till next time.. toodles! :)

2011-01-12T00:08:00.002+08:00

its so fucking annoying that im paranoid all th damn time.

i think youre with her,

i think youre talking to her,

i think youre webcamming with her,

i think youre at her house,

i think youre eating w her,

i think youre IM-ing her,

i think youre spending your nights with her.....

i know its all like 99% impossible, but i just cant help thinking about it.

the insecurity is tearing me apart inside out.

at first you were my saving grace.

by telling you stuff and by hearing your reassurance night after night, day after day,

i feel better. and i forget about all those thoughts which are going around wildly in my head.

your voice, your words. theyre all so comforting.

i'd go crazy if not for them.

and today, you told me that you find it annoying that im feeling insecure all th time.

its not something i can change overnight..

cause if i do, it just means i've stopped caring enough.

it will fade.. i guess. th insecurity..

it'll just take some time.

when im strong enough to let a part of you go, then th insecurities will leave too.

it sucks to have to go away for the next few days, really.

especially when all this is going on.

i better go get some sleeping pills while getting the super glue tmr.

cause i dont think i'll be able to sleep.

away from the comforts of my own home.. away from you..

away from your good night messages and good morning messages...

you know whts wrong and whats right... you know what are your boundaries.

if you chose to step out of them while im away,

then all i can say is that ive misjudged you.

if you chose to remain where it is, as if im still here,

then you really are a good man.

i dont you to hear/see me cry anymore. i dont want that to become something annoying to you too.

im sure my insecurities will push you further away from me...

its already starting...

one day, you will get so annoyed and then who knows?

maybe you'll leave me.

i just hope and pray that im physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually prepared for that day.

if im not, here is a holler to all my dear friends.

if that day comes, i really need you all by my side...

i envisioned a beautiful future ahead of us...

i am still wishing it would come true.

i dont know if thats still your plan or if you have something else in mind now.

but for good and old time's sake.

please, just give me a heads up if you plan on leaving okay?

as i said before, i would never be the one ending this.

because it was you who chose me. not me who chose you.

you mean more to me than i mean to you.

its time to turn on th waterworks again.

just hope i dont flood thailand when we reach there.

and i hope whatever happens, i'll still get to see you one last time.

2011-01-06T23:17:00.002+08:00

wonder...

if i mean as much to you as you mean to me?

if something more important to you came along, would you neglect me?

if you'll get sick and tired of my insecurities someday?

if we'll ever have those good old happy and carefree days anymore?

if we'll ever be in sync as we were last time?

i wonder so many more things.

hmmmm.

i wonder... most of all...

when was it that i wasnt no.1 in your heart anymore?

you might still think i am, but im not. i know im not.

might be unreasonable for me to say this, but at least, its a fact.

youre too busy...

even my nickname.. is missing its first alphabet.

once this week is over... and if youre somehow still like that...

i wonder what other excuse there is.

the bright futures we talk about.. i only pray that theyre still a vision for you as they are for me.

im so tired to crying....

better finish up my work... then i can go sit and reflect at that same comfortable spot again.

2010-12-27T22:53:00.003+08:00

This time, its for real. Thank you for the wake up call.

I think its high time I get back in.

Its been way too long.

Girls, NEVER get too comfortable with yourself.

There should always be a small part of you which includes the following:

Self denial, somewhat lower self esteem, bad memories from the past and fear.

Never let go of these. Cause as bad as they may sound, these are what builds you.

These are what makes you stronger and forms you as a woman.

I let go of these in hope of a more positive look at life and at myself.

Yes, it was a short feeling of euphoria, but now, it all comes crashing down.

The crash has more impact than I expected it to be.

I became so comfortable with myself, because of all the false pretenses, the false flattery, the built-up image of 'its okay to not be perfect' and 'if they are real, they will love you for who you are'.

I'd most probably sink back into my fantasy once I get over this whole thing anyways.

Thats why I want to make a note of how I feel when im not submerged into this fantasy...

Right now. When I am sober and in reality and honest.

F-A-T.

I think thats a word every girl hates.

No one likes to be called fat. No one. Guys included.

They usually just shrug it off and act like no one cares. Thats why we all think they dont care.

I suppose they do. Any human would. Its the way insults work.

Well for me, I ALWAYS thought I was fat.

I say it all the time. Well, sometimes its just an expression.

Reminiscing the times when I was 15...

I miss those days. Yeah sure, I might have had my curly (messy) hair and went around without make up, but at least I was fit.

Ran almost every alternate day.. Sometimes even daily.

Either in school, or at the park behind my house.

Had jogging buddies too. Man, those were the days.

I actually had a positive motivation. Well, the motivation of impressing that one guy I really liked.

Hahahaha, it all seems so funny now. How we start something for the sake of someone else and then gradually grow to love it for real.

I started to really like jogging. 15, 16.. Even when I was 17.

Up until I started poly. I was still somewhat there.

Sometimes I'd jog in the mornings, sometimes at noon (just to get a sweet tan!).

Sometimes in the evening with my dad. Or even as early as 4am! Hahah. I remember how he used to drag me off bed just to accompany him.

Even with the old knee injury, it never stopped me.

The other time when I went to the clinic for a checkup, the doctor said I've injured my knee.

He suggested to stop exercising as much. I said, no way.

Oh right, I loved soccer back then too XD used to be all enthusiastic for training.

Then I had my first real exclusive relationship.

(I consider the past ones a joke, cause we were young and naive yada yada yada)

And yes, he is now my ex.

Honestly, I was still not that comfortable with myself.

Was cautious around him (sorry!) and weary about certain things, namely;

Weight, skin tone, attitude, pimples, the way I laugh, the way I look like when I eat, my face...

The list goes on. I never went anywhere without make up!

Yeah, when I first met him, I wasnt th make-up girl yet.

But when I started, I couldnt stop!

Even a trip down to the nearby market required at least foundation, concealer and eyeliner.

I was SO scared to look ugly. I lived in fear of him leaving me because he'd one day think I'm ugly. So I worked. I worked hard to maintain that image of myself. At that time, it didnt feel like I was working hard. It felt normal.

Then it ended. I became even more self conscious. I was single again.

The image thing was still a frequent affair.

Then one day I met this other guy (my current relationship).

He was really cool.

Like REALLY cool. He was fit, he was older, he had sexy long hair, he was a musician.

He was like a dream!

AND the best thing was he liked me back!

Never felt happier. And till now, it was the best birthday gift I ever received.

Knowing that the guy I liked, liked me back.

Hehehe. Sorry for sounding so 'school-girl' like :x

The first few weeks, I was still on my toes.

Make up at all times, exercising frequently, watching what I eat...

Then as the relationship went on, it occurred to me that I cannot continue with that lifestyle.

I cant possibly wear make up all the time. Its bad for my face and its high on consumption.

I couldnt exercise as frequently cause I only exercised last time out of habit and cause I was bored at home. But since we got together, all my free time was spent together with him. And I enjoyed every minute of it. I'd never exchange those magical moments for exercising!

And watching what I ate became harder because I used to eat at the food courts or kopitiams.

I would have ordered a bowl of noodle soup with the lowest price and shortest queue.

Anything goes. I didnt really like the fast food areas cause they were all so crowded and noisy.

But when we spent time together, it meant eating most of my meals outside.

Due to some circumstances, I could not eat noodle soup with ingredients anymore.

Honestly, I dont really remember the last time I enjoyed a bowl of dumping noodle soup.

Hahaha, yeah. Its been that long ago.

But I never regretted. They say, good things come with a sacrifice.

I willingly gave up all those in exchange for all the other good stuff.

The jokes, the laughter, the passion, the surprises, the affection, the quality time...

Everything was worth giving up for.

Maybe all those might just seem to be excuses to why I stopped caring abt my image.

Everyone has a choice in everything, right?

Its not like someone put a gun to my head and forced me to give up my old lifestyle for my current one. But what the heck, I made my choice.

Until this day, I still dont regret it.

Then it started.

The worst feeling you can ever feel...

Is to wake up one morning, look yourself in the mirror and find out...

WTF. I'M REALLY FAT. SINCE WHEN DID I LOOK LIKE THIS?!

I LOOK AT MYSELF EVERYDAY... BUT I NEVER NOTICED.

ITS LIKE IT ALL HAPPENED OVERNIGHT!

WTF!!! WHAT DO I DO NOW?!

Yeah, well. Mine didnt really happen when I looked in the mirror.

It was some other wake up call which hit me a couple of days back.

But it still hit me. Then I started analysing... Yeah man.

Shit. I am REALLY DAMN fat! How did I become like this?

I HAD NO FREAKING IDEA!

Yeah, of course the depression sank in for a while.

Had my fair share of the water works.

Then I started bucking up and getting down to serious business.

Started on a light routine. With the past as as inspiration.

I was always fat.. But I wasnt as fat back then.

Yeah, I had some motivation...

But it was always vengeful and negative. It lasted me for a while though.

One week after that incident, I was pumped.

But now, its starting to die down. Yeah, I'm still sticking to the routine,

but its for another purpose.

For starters, I kinda really wna get tanner.

And also because of a certain motivation. Not a very positive one though. Hahaha.

So well. Today, was hit part 2!

I realised... I was getting WAY too comfortable with myself to bother about my image.

What happened to me???

Yeah, I still groom myself, but I've forgotten about all the other stuff.

I dont seem to see anything anymore.

I dont take the zit on my face seriously,

I dont hate myself and do something about it when I cant fit into some of my clothes as well as I did last time anymore,

I complain about my thunder thighs but I dont really do much about them anymore,

I dont care about the way I eat anymore,

I dont care about my volume when I speak or the way I laugh anymore...

The bright side is that I've accepted myself for who I am and stopped hating myself (yay!).

The bad side is... I'VE BECOME A BEAST.

I look hideous. If I EVER came close to who I am now, previously..

I wouldnt even dare leave the house!

I've become WAAAAY too comfortable with myself.

Now when I think back, it scares me.

I probably got that mindset when I knew someone attractive was attracted to me.

And he loved me for who I am.

But now, I think its just silly for me to think that way.

Its a bonus if its so. But that shouldnt make me stop wanting to improve myself.

I shouldnt settle for half of who I am able to be.

I should keep going. Keep the drive to perfection.

Even though its far away, I shouldnt have stopped trying.

And now, I want to keep trying. I just cant find that positive motivation anymore.

All I get are negative ones... Ones which bring me down someway or another.

I made a promise. A promise to become who I was last time.

By a certain date next year. I dont know if I can keep up to that promise.

Honestly, its pressurising. Knowing that it means something to you...

I will try. That I can assure you. I will try.

Today, when I heard it...

It was a real wake up call.

I guess, previously, what kept me "accepting myself",

was knowing that no matter what happened, be it true or not,

no matter what anyone said, or how many people said it,

however times I said it just to want a reassurance and denial from you,

you've never think that way of me.

I was 100% sure.

Previously, it was by chance that there was an available back up.

Good luck I guess. But it sure fooled me.

I thought you were pressurized into saying it.

But now when I think back, I guess you werent.

You always wanted to say it, but never had the guts to.?

You were probably afraid it would hurt my feelings or strain the rship in someway?

I dont know. You dont say.

But today, the timing was right I guess.

You said it. Have no way turning your words around this time.

Yeah, initially, before I typed it all out, I admit.

I was really hurt. There were parts of me which were confused too.

And it all got me thinking. I'm glad I did.

Funny how life works.

It always takes away the one thing you were 100% sure of...

But its good, I guess.

Now I know I HAVE to work harder.
Somehow... Sometime.. I'll find that positive drive.

Hopefully sometime soon... Before the designated date for me to lose all the weight!

So thats another life lesson learnt!

NEVER BE TOO COMFORTABLE WITH YOURSELF, TILL THE POINT WHERE IMAGE DOESNT MATTER ANYMORE.

BECAUSE, IT WILL ALWAYS MATTER. AS LONG AS YOURE A GIRL, IT WILL MATTER.

Thanks for reading all the way till the bottom if you did.

I salute you! Heh, and sorry for all the angsty talk.

At least its out of my system now and I can go to sleep peacefully and happily.

But first, time to shower. heh.

I should blog more often! Its a REALLY good way to express your feelings :)

Till next time!

Ciao! :)

2010-09-25T00:07:00.002+08:00

Everytime when I mean to tell you how much I love you, it always comes out wrong.
My words were meant t let you know how much you mean to me..
But instead, they end up spoiling our perfectly planned evening and hurting you.
I must find a way to keep certain things in.. Like you do.
But I'm afraid that once I start, i might get carried away and I'm afraid that we won't be as close as we are now.
I guess that's how I work. I told you, I'm weird.

Love is not just a word.
'i love you' is not just a phrase.
They all require actions to prove it.
Other than supporting everything you chose t do and being there for you all th time,
I honestly can't think of how else I can prove it t you.
I try to make you happy as much as I can, I try t be as expressive as I can..
I just need you t knw that I really do mean it when I say I love you.

Lesson learnt tday: don't say everthng you feel. Do nt verbalized everything no matter hw close you are. A lover is not your bestfriend. There are restricted zones. And most importantly, cut down on complaining. There is a certain level of tolerence in everyone.

I really need t rmb that. Rmb it well.

2010-08-11T22:41:00.000+08:00

Tonight I celebrate my love for you
It seems the natural thing to do
Tonight no one's gonna find us
We'll leave the world behind us
When I make love to you
Tonight I celebrate my love for you
And hope that deep inside you feel it too
Tonight our spirits will be climbing
To the sky lit up with diamonds
When I make love to you tonight

Tonight I celebrate my love for you (ooh)
And that midnight song is gonna come shining through
Tonight there'll be no distance between us
What I want most to do
Is to get close to you tonight

Tonight I celebrate my love for you
And soon this old world will seem brand new
Tonight we will both discover
How friends turn into lovers
When I make love to you

Tonight I celebrate my love for you (ooh)
And that midnight song is gonna come shining through
Tonight there'll be no distance between us
What I want most to do
Is to get close to you

Tonight I celebrate my love for you

I miss you :(

2010-07-30T11:23:00.002+08:00

sometimes when i look at photos,

read other people's posts..

i think back and i ask myself..

where am i going in life?

these are the same people who once sat in the same classroom as I did,

who learnt the same stuff as I did..

who talked about the same stuff I did...

who graduated from the same place I did...

but they seem to be getting so much more out of life now than I am.

Where am I and what am I doing?

I dont know. Am I too easily contented?

Should I have bigger ambitions?

I guess I am happy with where I am now..

I'm contented with the people and things around me..

But why is it that when I see how much better they are leading their lives,

I feel rather... sad for myself?

I dont know. I should probably stop looking at facebook photos and start on my project.

Sigh.

2010-07-19T09:28:00.003+08:00

Yes, I knw, its been like 100000000 years since ive blogged.

Just wna thank all th seniors and juniors for all th memories at camp :)

To the Camp Comm (which is basically my comm):

Thanks guys for everything :) for staying around for random meetings, for waiting up for one another, for asking hows things, for sharing emotions and thoughts, for th wake up calls (clara and rachel) and for all th small things too :) Thank you guys :D

To the Ex-comm (advisors!!):

Thanks for th talk, i think we really needed it :)

Lets hope that we can all throw everything out on th table whenever there are disagreements and problems. Miscommunications are a no-no :) Lets all work together and strive hard to soundcard's future success! :)

To the Seniors:
Thanks guys, for making time out of your busy lives to come for camp :) We could never have a successful camp without you guys :) thanks for all th fun and laughter, for sharing so openly during campfire, for bonding w th seniors, for doing your duties as great leaders and for helping our during nightwalk and amazingggg race. hahahaha. thanks you guys :) You guys were great seniors when i was a junior, and im sure you are great grand-seniors to th current juniors :) heheheh! :D

To th Juniors:

Wow, you guys were really amazing :) Though at th beginning, I really ghad trouble communicating w you guys cause ya'll were sooo noisy (but we're soundcard what, right HAHAHA) and i couldnt get th message across, but im sure after th camp, you guys know how we work a bit better, so i hope tht you all will cooperate w us and help SC scale to greater heights :) I love you guys and th performances were AWESOME! i was pleasantly surprised :) hehehe. also, thanks for sharing so openly during campfire. when i thought of tht activity, i nv expected you guys to be so open w us.... im touched :) bt rmb, whts in th camp, stays within th camp :) hehehe love you guys! :) AND PLEASE READ EMAILS UH!!!! hahahaha

To my darling group 5:

:) :) :) :) :) you guys were really th best :) th cooperation within th group was overwhelming :) im so freaking proud of you guys. totally. aside from all your great vocals, you guys have a good heart and great character also. Thank you so much for making me feel what i felt when i was a junior in soundcard :) I miss those days. hahaha.

Syahira, Im sorry you had to miss out on th fun during th last two days, but our group did us very proud :) Thanks for coming down t camp also! and for sharing your stories w me :) see you ard SIT! love!

Andrew, thank you for your wonderful voice, your wonderful attitude, wonderful smile :) hehehe and your wonderful wanting to do... 50, 100, 200, 1000 pushups just to save th fareez when you guys were late. awwwww andrew :) thanks for coming to sharon's aid too when she tripped. we're very lucky to have you andrew :)

Sharon, my dearest cutest darlingest girl, thank you for always makning me smile :) hehehe really. your attitude really made me happier everytime i felt tired :) thanks for being th sunshine in th group :D aside from camp, im looking forward to working w you for ballooning bliss :) take care of your ankle my dear sweet one :) love you!!! keep your voice and vocal power growing okay! youve got potential, diva! :)

and last but never th least, th one and only fauzaaaaan :D

Zan, you dont know hw much i admire you after working w you during camp :) your positive attitude really motivated me throughout :) your voice too! hahahaha i really like your voice :) like seriouslyyyyyyyy. hahaha you just have to have more confidence okayyyyy. musttt. you have so much room to shine. just get out of your shell and keep telling yourself you can do it :) cause you know. i know you can and you must know you can :) im so so proud of you zan :) thanks for making camp a blast :)

yup. hehhe thanks for everything you guys. and th performance was really awesome :)

and theres soundcard on thurs! LOL remind th rest kkk :D LOVEEEEE.

2010-06-23T17:31:00.002+08:00

1) Green apple body mist from Body Shop

2) Dark green contacts

3) Normal contacts =\

4) Dresses

5) Beach Bag

6) Adidas tote

7) Coffee Bean :)

8) IPHONE

9) ELMO ACCESSORIES FROM DIVAAAAAAA + elmo ring

10) SASHIMI!

okay and thts my top ten.

SAVE MONEY SAVE MONEY SAVE MONEYYYYY!

2010-06-17T00:00:00.001+08:00

last night, i dreamt tht B got me earpieces for my bday.

today, he told me to take note of it and to post somewhere that I will get earpieces for my bday -.-

why? i also dont know.

hahahaha oh b :) (L)(L)(L)

2010-06-11T11:02:00.002+08:00

when i was young, I...

1) Had bangs

2) Loved dancing (WHO'D KNEW!!)

3) Loved taking photos

4) Once had th same haircut as my boyfriend now (LOL)

5) Never went anywhere without my little brother

6) Loved singing (HAHAHA and this point still stands)

7) Was petite :(

8) Never had fear of any animals, always wanted t go near them :)

9) Loved wearing sleeveless dresses HAHAHA

10) Performed at every chance I could

HAHAH wow, and i actually forgot all these things.

Thank goodness I had photos to jolt my memory.

was looking for (late) godpa robert's photos and found these instead.

rest in peace godpa.

wish i could give you ribena pastels and vitamin sweets one last time :(

RIP Godpa Robert Lim.

You will be missed and in my prayers.

Thank you for all the fun times.

Love.

2010-06-11T10:50:00.002+08:00

and it begins! world cup fever starts today :D

HEHHEHE GO GERMANY! (Y)

okay bye :D

2010-06-02T11:42:00.003+08:00

its been so long.

and so many things have been happening.

grad was quite an experience :)

well. its common test period and tht one week when i didnt attend classes is finally catching up to me.

man. i feel the stress.

whts worse, b is away on attachment.

to ite simeiiii.

HAHAHA i dont deny, i have a bit of paranoia XD

hahah its like throwing a load of fresh fish bait into a sea of sharks.

HAHAH. well but i'll get over it ;)

3 mths :) 3 mths and hes out of there. HAHAH 3 mths w some cash attached.

nt bad, nt bad :) hope things go well for him :)

ALL TH WAY KEH B! :) you can do it :D (L)

alright. back to proj work. submission tday :(

just wanted t post this song.

mhmmm. bye :D

Is this a dream

If it is

Please don't wake me from this high

I'd become comfortably numb

Until you opened up my eyes

To what it's like

When everything's right

I can't believe

You found me

When no one else was looking

How did you know just where I would be

Yeah, you broke through all of my confusion

The ups and the downs

And you still didn't leave

I guess that you saw what nobody could see

You found me

So here we are

And that's pretty far

When you think of where we've been

No going back, I'm fading out

All that has faded me within

You're by my side

Now everything's fine

I can't believe

You found me

When no one else was looking

How did you know just where I would be

Yeah, you broke through all of my confusion

The ups and the downs

And you still didn't leave

I guess that you saw what nobody could see

You found me

And I was hiding

Till you came along

And showed me where I belong

You found me

When no one else was looking

How did you know, how did you know

You found me

When no one else was looking

How did you know just where I would be

Yeah, you broke through all of my confusion

The ups and the downs

And you still didn't leave

I guess that you saw what nobody could see

You found me

(When no one else was lookin')

You found me

(How did you know just where I would be)

You broke through

All of my confusion

The ups and the downs

And you still didn't leave

I guess that you saw what nobody could see

The good and the bad

And the things in between

You found me

2010-05-03T09:52:00.001+08:00

really. it sucks that everyone is sick now.

i hope im nt starting to be sick too :(

graduation is coming up and i need to lose weight :(
we're gna be wearing sleeveless.
urgh.

freshies orientation coming up.
pretty excited abt tht one. and th passing down ceremony too.
sadly no food :(
but its okay. hahahah.

oh wells. i just hope everyone gets well soon.
cause its starting to affect my life too :(

okay monday blues.
byeeeeee.

2010-04-18T22:23:00.002+08:00

get well soon sayang :)
dont worry so much for nw k?
i love you. we all love you.

damned bus trip.
safety uhhhhh. nw who says public transport is safety.
bhaiyas gna sue them. HAR HAR HAR.
even riding a bike is safer. hurrrrrrrr.

these two days have been rather hectic. ups and downs.
from th moment i first heard his voice on th phone will nw.
sometimes when i think back, it all doesnt seem real.
oh wells.
and again, get well soon baby.
we'll all be waiting for you to get back up :)

thanks to everyone who have been showing concern to both myself and ahmad.
we appreciate it frm th bottom of our hearts :)
not to worry. our boy will be fine in no time :)

well. school's starting tmr. and i got reslotted into c#!
like oh maaaaaan. at least gt v uh. oh wells.
cant wait to see th girls tmr :) excited a bit :D HEHEHE
b's gna do his xrays tmr. hope everything will be fine.

alright then. a couple more moments webcamming w b and then off t slp.
woooooooaaaaaaah am i sleepy. HAHA.
okay take care and god bless ya'll :)

byeeeeeee!

2010-04-16T13:30:00.002+08:00

sometimes i really dont know whts wrong w myself.

i see you all th time, but i miss you.

its still all the same, but i miss th old days.

i tend to care so much about you that i sometimes lose myself.

you not wanting to protect yourself makes me upset.

sometimes my pride and temper just gets th better of me.

you seem to understand me more than i understand myself.

when there is a disagreement between us and i know that youre upset, i feel lost.

you always know how to coax me whenever im angry or sad, but i can never seem to do the same with you.

i feel stupid and terrible when i cant seem to help you.

and now is one of th times when i feel everything at one shot.

and i've got night classes on thursdays, which means im gna freaking miss soundcard practices.

life just. rocks. doesnt it.

2010-04-14T11:43:00.002+08:00

well, i know i know.
i havent been blogging for 198q39476q387 years.
im sorrehhhh.
hahaha.

well, quick update to life :)

life's been busy.
hahaha. well. school's reopening nxt week (!!!!!!!!!!) and im so nt ready to restart a whole new school year. oh wells.
i do miss v and the gang though :)

soundcard. well. exciting new line up for all of us :)
kinda cant wait for everything to get started :)
work well, guys! :D
loads of stuff lined up. starting with clubcrawl.
performers, do get ready and prepare your songs well yeah :)
im sure you all can do it :)
lets go up on stage and make soundcard proudddd! :D
(and recruit awesome jnrs!)

heheheh. yup. got graduation performance on hand too.
well, at least tht worry will be done nxt month onwards :)
quite cool.. had first training th other day and it was pretty nice :)
here's this years pairing:

1) Clara and Fadz
2) Joshua and Angel
3) Shikin and myself

Well, hope everything goes well.

And to my other commitments in life,
I'll still keep to them :)

Hehehe. OH! and B's been getting really good in DEAL :(
i need to start practicing when school reopens!
V! YOURE GNA BE MY MONOPOLY PARTNER OKAY!
after lunch every day ar! dont go w your friends all XD
HAHAHA..
alright.
and one last thing..

I WANT A MONOPOLY SET! :(
no fairrrrrrrrrrrrr.

oh and good luck to 'The Arrivals' in their upcoming performances!
Do catch them if you guys have the time alright! :)

30th April, 9pm outside Cineleisure.
9th May, Blackhole, 4pm :)

LOOK OUT FOR THE ULTRA GOOD LOOKING AND CHARMING LEAD GUITARIST UH!
hahahahahaha.

okay bye :)

2010-04-05T17:58:00.002+08:00

taken from dictionary.com:

best:
noun; something or someone that is best.
someone referring to it being singular.

sometimes i think this word is so overrated.

2010-03-22T12:47:00.006+08:00

YESSSSSSSSSS!
IM FINALLLLLLLLLY BACK IN SUNNY SINGAPOREEEEEEEE :)

really. ive nv felt better in my life.
going away is just so wrong for me uh!
theres gna be SO SO SO much more considerations done if im ever going for a trip like tht in th future.
lol.
but well, it was an experience lah :)

im gna be brief abt th whole story..
if youre curious abt th parts then come ask me k :)

so basically, day1, we touched down at abt 6 and th skies were alrdy dark.
had dinner, briefing and equiptment collecting.
pitched th tent, washed up and slept.
the next 2 days were hell for me.
or was it 3 days.
well. i fell sick.
idk why, but my stomach just didnt wna take in any food.
whatever i ate, i threw out.
was horrible.

medic brought me to th hospital and th doctor wanted t put me on drips.
but i got scared. so i didnt want.
orally consumed all the medications and then on day 4, they headed off to th mountains.
or was it day3 . lol.
well. then it was 5 days or boredom for me.
hahah. sunday, th first day they were up in th mountain was hell for me.
cause i had absolutely NOTHING to do. i just sat around th hostel and stoned.
meal, stoned. meal, stoned.
well and tht was it. it was so difficult to sleep.
then monday till thursday was nt bad.

they came back on thurs. did some activities w them.
then fri was high elements and service learning.
we interacted with people w special needs :)
i think tht was th highlight of my obt journey.
i actually felt really happy to be able to help them.
i got an autistic person and helped her out w folding and colouring and all.
felt good. i really missed my brother and i kinda saw my bro in her :)

then aft tht sat was pack up, quick glance of a day market and then heading off to the airport.
AND THEN BACK TO SINGAPORE.
oh man i think this year im gna appreciate national day a whole lot more.
LOL.

well, whatever it is, it was an experience. and im just glad to be back.
so so glad. i cant leave you guys. i just cant. im not ready for stuff like tht yet.
hahaha.

So here are the top 3 things ive learnt from the trip:

1. Always be prepared, FULLY PREPARED, before embarking on any trip.
Be it physically or mentally. One must be ready to face ANYTHING. even being sick. if its not possible before the trip itself, DONT GO. no matter who or what circumstance forces you, DONT GO. really.

2. Dont send anyone who is not ready.
Always do a check before sending anyone for anything. In your own opinion, the person might be ready. but the person him/herself will always know best. Yes, I do believe in pushing the limit. But there is a limit to the pushing. Sometimes stretching the limit wont help the person grow. But in contrary, it might make the person snap and leave a scar. So thats one thing I learnt and took back :)

3. Never take things you have now for granted.
Really, like they say, absense makes the heart grow fonder. While I was back in Singapore, I took everything for granted. I actually complained about the weather being too humid and all. But when i went to TW, i actually would do almost anything to get back home, because i was really freezing. was shivering all the time. So yes. even the things you hate, be thankful for them. Cause when they're gone, you wont even have a chance to hate them. Same applies for people. Treasure everyone around you as much as possible.

So yeah. hahaha just a few cents worth of thought put in there.
Well, I said it a million times alrdy and i'll say it again...
IM SO HAPPY TO BE BACK IN SINGAPORE! wont leave for a lonnnggggggg time :)

i also want to thank some people for making this trip as painless as possible for me :)
here goes! :D

1. My parents.
Daddy, mommy. Thank you for sponsoring me on this trip. I'm sorry I didnt climb the mountain. You guys might see it as a disappointment, but I know that you both know I tried. I know I achieved something and even though it might not be like what everyone else in the group achieved, I know I have growed. Thank you again and I love you :)

2. My man.
Baby, thank you so much for everything since day1. Since the day I told you I was selected for the trip. When we made the decision together, when you were always so worried about me, when you went shopping with me, when you gave me all the assurance.. when you sent me off and picked me up, when you picked up my calls when i needed you so badly.. when you did all those nice stuff for me.. when you were waiting for me to come back. Thank you so so much. I'm sure the both of us learnt quite a number of lessons from this trip, so lets use them to build our future together alright? :) Love you hun (L)

3. Soundcard.
First of all, if i wasnt in soundcard, I probably wouldnt even have the chance to smell this trip. So thanks to all of you who had faith in me. I'm once again very sorry for not being able to clumb up the mountain and serve as a disappointment. But I tried. I did all the high elements to the best I can. High elements might seem like a minor thing to some, but its a big step for me. HAHAHA you guys know how i scream at the slightest things. sometimes i find myself so stupid for doing that. But yeah. I'll gradually grow up and learn to be brave. Also, thanks to all who sent me off at the airport and came to pick me up! Really sweet of ya'll :) Naz, Clara, Josh, Fadz, Syu, Rachel and B :) Thanks for all the moral enocouragement :) and thanks to all those who texted before i went, while i was on the trip and when I came back :) Love you guys! Lets work hard for club crawl and the new batch of lovely jnrs! :D

4. OBT FAMILY! :)
Hehehe, honestly guys, you rock! lol. such a friendly and warm bunch of people. you guys really made me feel loved :) wna thank you guys for all the interaction time. Thanks for the video when you guys were up on xueshan also LOL i was touched :) Although I didnt make it up the mountain, you guys didnt diss me. Instead, gave and shown me so much love and support. It was nice knowing you all also. Knowing all your strengths :) Hahaha. Like Ronald being head chef every day, Xian Siang being so interactive, Ranie being so cheerful.. Nash being all motherly, Naz being so cheerful, Luqman for being friendly, Noh being so smallboy, Haidar being so brave, Faris being ultra friendly, Andy and his HELLO GOOD MORNING, GOOD MORNING HELLO!, Justina being half a guy XD, Sean being so filled with leadership qualities, Clarence for opening up so much and sharing so much w me, Eugene for being strong, Jerome for being so laughy, Huat for the fan, John for having a twin and being catholic...Thank you :) Family, really :) Thanks for all the memories and laughter. hahahha. i'll keep you all in my prayers :) to the two teachers and the 4 instructors too! :) if you happen to see this, thank you. From the bottom of my heart :) HEY BANJANG! :)

5. To everyone else who encouraged me.
Its waaaaaay too many to list. So you guys, you know who you are. Thanks for all the encouragement.. Sweet letters and notes. Sorry to all those who felt tht I was a let down and disappointment. I tried. I'll try harder next time alright ! :)

So yup. Thats the end of my LONG blog post :)
I'll be back soon! :D

2010-03-08T00:25:00.002+08:00

Alright world.
And it all begins.
My hectic who-knows-how-many-days.
Man, hope time passes QUICCCCCCCCCCCCKLY.
cause i really cant wait for the 20th when I arrive back in SG soil.
AND GET TO SLEEP.
Please at least let me sleep in for one whole day.
I think i really need it.
Havent been getting proper sleep AT ALL.

Well... here goes.
Quick scheduling, for those who are wondering.
LOL and you decide if its gna be hecticcc.

Monday, 8th: D'Camp. Waking up at 5 and meeting Clara darling at int at 7. Reporting to school at 8.
Tuesday, 9th: Break camp at abt 11am. Home to shower and put stuff, then off to meet the birthday boy.
Wednesday, 10th: Final day left in SG before hitting TW grounds. Need to ensure all my stuff are fine and top up all necessary. Also SEASON BOOTS! dang. boots. so screwed. I'd like pay someone t season my boots now :( if only tht was possible!
Thursday, 11th: LEAVING SG FOR TW, OFFICIALLY :( waking up at 3am, getting ready by 5am. Heading down to airport and saying farewell to my loves.. Then reporting officially at 7.15am :(
Friday, 12th - 19th: OUTWARD BOUND TAIWAN. WILL BE CLIMBING SNOW MOUNTAINNNNN. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET ME SURVIVE :( PLEASE JESUS. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. and let me come home in one piece :( Probably nt gna get any proper sleep =\
Saturday, 20th: BACK TO SINGAPORE, ALLELUIA! :) cant wait. Same, terminal 1 at 7.15 :) do let ahmad know if youre gna be dropping by for pick up. we can all have dinner / supper tgt :)

and thts my hectic weeeeeek.
oh please, may I survive it all.
I think im falling sick soon =\
hope its just gna be a normal pre excitement symptom.
urghhh. alright back to my stuff. gta wake up at 5 tmr to pack for camp.
im so sleepy right nowwww ;O

okay nights all! :)
AND IF POSSIBLE!
Help me fertilize my plants in Farmville k =x
and send me horses too? PLEASE ? THANK YOU ;)

heheheh bye :D

2010-03-02T22:36:00.003+08:00

Hello fellas! :)

And we're up!
Scheduled for flight to Taiwan on the 11th of March.
Changi Terminal 1.
I gotta assemble at 0800hrs sharp..

So im guessing i'll be there couple of hours earlier.

Do let me know if youre gg yeah :)
So i know who to expect XD
hehehe either drop me a txt, call or IM! :)

Thanks!
And see ya'll there doooooooods! :D

2010-02-28T09:56:00.002+08:00

Wow, Lady Gaga :)
Shes such an inspiration. Really.

Firstly, I really admire her for her guts.
She dares to show who she really is :)
Be it on reality shows, during interviews, during her music videos...
even on the red carpet!

She doesnt ever want to, you know. Fit in.
Being in a society like ours... its so hard to find someone with that personality.
Someone who DARES to be different.

Just watched one of her interviews on The Ellen Show, on yt of course.
It really inspired me. So if youre free, please go take a look. its so awesome :)

Click here for the Lady Gaga Interview on the Ellen Show.

And her 'speechless' performance after that was breath-taking as well.

I think aside from being such an awesome singer and performer...
She has a good heart. and a strong character. I think we all need to have that.
She had a hard time trying to make her dreams come true.
But she never gave up. And she made it! :)
Determination. Thats one point I really gotta pick up.
Hope I pick it up before my Taiwan trip =\
I think i'd really need it.

And regarding that, my apologies to everyone aye.
I know ya'll are being really supportive and wna go down to send me off at th airport..
But I kinda dont have my schedule yet.
Once I get it, i'll post it immediately here alright :)
Heheheh. But its definitely gna be on the 11th of march :)
That one, I know for sure.

So well. I better go get some sleep first then start figuring how to do alllll those subnetting and all wahahaha.
Okay ciao! :)

2010-02-24T00:55:00.003+08:00

i wish,
i didnt need you as much as i need you now.
as much as i always needed you.

so i wouldnt have to keep burdening you every day.
and i wouldnt be so attached to you.
then you wouldnt need to worry about me all the time.

im sorry.

grrr. i really hate it when all the hormones are setting in.

2010-02-20T00:11:00.002+08:00

wow. just watched "my name is khan" w b at gv bishan.
AND MAN. its well well well well worth the watch.

here is a short summary of the movie, taken from yahoo movies:

Rizvan Khan is an honorable Muslim man from India, living with Asperger's Syndrome, who falls unconditionally for the beautiful Mandira, a Hindu single mother living out her version of the global dream of success. Yet, when an unspeakable act of cowardice tears their family apart, Khan selflessly embarks on a powerful journey through a contemporary America that is as complex as the terrain of the human heart. He innocently becomes that most unlikely act of defiance, one of peace and compassion. He provides a sobering reality that touches the lives of every person he crosses. In the name of the woman he loves, a curious stranger will introduce himself to the world simply by saying, "My name is Khan, and I am not a terrorist."

really, theres so much more to that.
the movie teaches so many life lessons.

well, for all of you who dont know, I have an autistic brother.
By watching this movie.. I could really relate to what Khan was going through.
And im really shocked by Shah Rukh Khan 's acting skills.
They were so good, I was actually convinced tht the guy has autism!
The movements, actions.. even the way he talks.

hahahah i can just stay here all day and go on about how great the movie is.
so if you wna just chill off from studying or just watch a movie that has meaning instead of all that action, "My name is Khan" is a really good movie to catch.
Even though one ticket is 11 bucks, its well worth the money.
So so well worth the money.
If you liked "My sister's keeper", im definitely sure you will like this one.
Both movies touched a part of me that I didnt know I had.

Both made me realise how important my brother was to me.
I didnt even know that myself.
Special people are sent here for a reason.
I believe that they are sent here to teach us life's lessons.
In many ways, because of what we have that they lack,
they are even more humane than we are.
It is because they lack a certain kind of logic that we have,
that they will do things that we are too ashamed to do.
They always put people before themselves.

So to all those people out there who think these special people are stupid,
or you dislike them just because they are weird or different from us,
you look down on them because they cannot do what we can do...
think again. cause when we die, we have to face judgement.
they dont. why?
because they are the purest at heart. they are practically angels.
they wont do any wrong thing.

So the next time you see them, give a smile or a wave...
instead of a weird and judgemental stare.
I'm sure you will be blessed.
God will bless all those who are kind.
So yupppp. I better hit the showers now :)
baaaai! :D

and rmb t watch "My name is Khan"!
and bring many extra tissuessss XD

2010-02-13T21:05:00.004+08:00

Happy Vday and CNY 2010 everyone! :)
HEH. wishing everyone all the joy and happiness they can have.
also, for the chinese people, many angpaos! ;)

to everyone who is non chinese, enjoy the holidays!
(although i know exams are cming.. but just try to relax first uh!)

well. had our pre vday and post 5mth celebration w b ytd :)
heh it was awesome :)
thanks b! :D

met him in th afternoon.
did the exchanging of gift boxes and reading of the article dedication.
was really very very sweet of you b.
thank you :) then headed off.
was supposed t go get roses for ivan.
so i suggested gg to far east flora.. i wanted t see flowers too :)
heh i rmb th last time i went there..
i was so mesmerized by all the flowers :)
its different when you see a few flowers and many many many flowers at a time.
haah to me lah, at least. it was wonderful :)

then was heading towards town..
but had a call back.
had to pass some documents to my grp for proj -.-
well. so went all th way baccccck.
(b was a litttttttttle disatisfied i think. sorry love... thank you for understanding though!)

then sent th docs and headed back towards town :)
makaned at b's fave ytf place and then woohooo!
he surprised me w movie tickets! XD
heheheh thank you b :)
went t watch valentine's day. haha been quite a while since we watched movies.
was in just th two of us XD

it was a pretty nice movie :)

heh then aft tht we headed to a secret placeeeeeeeee.
was guessing all th way! HAH
and in th end, it was th sky bridge :)
nt officially opened yt.. so there were quite little ppl up there.
which was good, so it wouldnt be so crowded :)
th view was breath-taking!
imagineee. we were like 50 stories high!
hahaha. mhmm awesome place guys. go if you get the chance!
entrance fee is 5 bucks though. must pay via ezlink.

took photos and walked around :) hehehe.
then we settled down and just watched the sky.
talked about stuff...
everything made me realise how lucky i am to have him sticking around.

really b. thank you so much :D love youuu.

thennnn headed back home cause it was abt 1020 and we were still at tanjong pajarrrr.
hahaha so far uh. hahah.
fareast flora was so jammed! hahaha. cny + vday. both occasions call for flowers ayeee.
well then yeah. sat at our usual bench and talked for a while :)
love it there. hahaha i think its th only place we can call "home" aye.
hahahaha =x
okay sounds pathetic XD

then went home.
looked into th heart box.. and found my surprise! beneath the green "grass".
hahahha. settled down and started watching the video.
i think i started tearing at the first 10 seconds.
when the words started appearing.

oh b. you always have ways to make me cry. hhahah in a good way that is. HAHA.
but the video was really very very sweet.
okay, you win our little competition.

hahahah.
well yeah.
and the day before tht was awesome too! :)
had mache w b and his friends :)
happy bday andrea! :)

heheh alright. shall go for now.
thanks again for everything b :)

and happy vday & cny to everyone reading this post! :)
bye! :D

2010-02-12T00:55:00.001+08:00

Had the most exhilarating night out ever!
okay no. LIKE SERIOUSLY!

mache + lightning thief + racing back home (getting from harbourfront to bishan in like 14 mins!)

WOAAAAH. thanks for tonight b :)
i had so much fun! :)
and gim hwee and andrea and aaron :)

hehehehe woaaah okay nw i need to stabilize my heartbeat and start on report writing =x
HAHAHA :)

yay, vday celebration tmr :D

baaaiiiiieeee :D

2010-02-11T01:01:00.000+08:00

hello everyone!
vote us please?
heh yeappp.
its another voting competition..
but this time its a singing thingy.
so yeaaah. please la please la please la :)
hehehe thank you!
we really wna get through to th nxt rounddd :D

thanks! :D

http://www.yellob.us/spiderider/stage1/cinta-arjuna-tong-hua

2010-02-06T15:12:00.006+08:00

A NIGHT ON BROADWAY WAS SO AWESOME! :)
great job you guys!
(and fadz, your high note killed so many ppl in th audience!)

hahahah really. it was so... woah! :D
hehehehe. seasons of love killed me.
HAHA i think i was like stunned there for like 10 seconds. LOL.

waaah goosebumpsss XD
(nw im searching for RENT: The Movie on the net lah. aiyo. fanatic :s)
hahaha but really.
GREAT JOB YOU GUYS! :)

Soundcard rockeddddd :D
Shikin, Fadz, Maria, Bernice, Joshuaaaaaa :)
course nt forgetting daddy and his crew :]
rene too! :D
so super duper ultimate proud of you guys uh :)

the rest of the singers and dancers did well! :) :) :)
was really worth the watch uh :)
hehehe. if you guys are lucky to get tickets for today's show,
GO WITH EXPECTATIONS! cause they'll still blow you away XD

okay time to go back to coding -.-
stupid sia. still cant get my Update and Delete working.
Got retrieve thanks to Gene :) THANK YOUUU :)

heh better do nw then can go see clothes ltrrr :)
BYEEE! :)

2010-02-02T00:00:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY AMANDA LATIFF JUANTA HUINAAAA :)

Thank you so much for being the bestest friend anyone can ever have!

I've always loved you, still love you and promise to love you till eternity ends (which is not possible WAHHAH)

hehehe so you have a great day ahead and always remember that im here for you babyyy.

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE.

mwaaaaaah.

2010-02-01T11:41:00.002+08:00

no more long nails, no more nail polish.
minimal make up, tied hair.
this time im serious.

obt trng, here i come! XD
(and naz also uh)
so please be nice :]

2010-01-29T13:49:00.003+08:00

been feeling so annoyed reently.
like every little thing can make me wna just blow up.

and im releasing it all on b :(
sorry love :( you know whyyyyy right. so yeah =x
thanks for understanding. mwahh mwah mwah.

so yeah. comm skills done. nw left w java proj on mon.
then vb written on weds wk 17.
then th respective exams.
urgh..

okay i think im done ranting.
as of nw, i really hate my life :(
bye.

2010-01-26T10:12:00.001+08:00

ahhh. okay it was smth i didnt expect at all.
i hope i dont die through it.
really hope so :(

2010-01-25T11:49:00.003+08:00

I want one, I want one, I want one!
Its the Chuck Taylor All Star - M9613 (High cut), in maroon!
If not, this will do too! :)

Its the Chuck Taylor All Star Slim, 113891F, in Athletic Blue.
I'm a women's size 8 keh! ;)

hahahahahahha. i dream on lah =x
this is just to remind me to save money XD
okay bye :)

2010-01-23T10:19:00.002+08:00

this song is so ultra addictive!
its like another version of bukan cinta biasa.
LOL. its like.. hear alrdy wna try and do a cover of it.
wahhaha. been listening to it all day ytd.
got a feeling it'll continue on today as well.
wahahah.

heres th link :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ey_xtYmZ4Ig&feature=related

its ermmmm, by acha irwansyah, called "My heart".
heh. yup. exams are a couple of weeks away.
i still know close to nothing.
so dead. saw some grades ytd. man im screwed :(
just hope i can chiong like how i did last sem.
V, HELP PLEASE!

okaay then i think im gna go fb a while first HEHEHE
keh bye :)

2010-01-21T09:52:00.001+08:00

urrrrgh.
comm skills presentation tmr,
vb proj and java innov database info due on mon,
java pract test on wed.
wow. thts like everything!

okay wthhh. back t javaing :(

2010-01-19T16:21:00.000+08:00

wahaha.
ahhhh. got so many things due uh.

rushed through comm skills report (20 pagessss) in one day LOL
hahah power uh, our grp ;)
good job girls! :D

nw left w java innov and vb.net.
comm skills presentation on fri,
vb due on mon.
ahhhhh time to do work.

oohhh, and mans dearest, HANG IN THERE ALRIGHT!
I'LL BE HERE IF YOU NEED ME.
sorry if ive been... a bit. away =\
LOVE YOU (L)

HAHA okay byeee :)

Baby it´s okay, someday
We´ve got to hold on to what we´ve got
it doesn´t make a difference
If we make it or not
We´ve got each other and that´s a lot
For love - we´ll give it a shot

love you hun (L)

2010-01-16T15:46:00.002+08:00

DEAREST AMANDA LATIFF JUANITA HUINAAAA,
THANK YOU FOR MAKING MY DAY :)

and also for listening to all my ramblings :x

yes, and swimming tmr uh.
HAHAHA love you bestf :B

2010-01-15T16:21:00.002+08:00

headache. really bad headache.
VB's being a bitch.
and so is comm skills.
gt t do th report out asap so v can do th conclusion.
shit uh. wish i can just sleep everything away.
i think swimming tmr's gna help :)
okay back to vb :( bye.

how youre feeling will determine how i'm feeling.

2010-01-12T11:34:00.002+08:00

my favourite girl, going to school for appeal today ayeeeee.
if you get through to nyp, we'll have so much more time for each other!
AYEEE. plsplsplspls get through!

hahaha can go swimming in sch instead of gg t public pool also HAHAHA
okay love. so heres wishing you all th luck you can have!
nail th interview!
HAHAH okaaay back to java. ayeee.

bye :D

2010-01-12T11:34:00.001+08:00

yuppp hahah. had quite a fast week.
man. time really passes so quickly.
th world is gna end :O

but yeah HAHA had elearning last week..
th 3 days of open house.
at cmath lecture nw.. kumar has gone to indiaaaa, so we got a relief lecturer.
HAHAHAH cock a bit. no one's paying attn. LOL.
even th ones tht usually do are sleeping nw XD
hahaha. i tried.. v tried. but all gave up LOL

mew mew mew mew mew. thts all i hear. ayeee.
HAHA gna go meet cheri for dinner ltr.
HAHAH like finally right LOL

MANS WHEN ARE WE GG SWIMMING UHHHH aiyo HAHAH
this week i think i can. text meeeeee. LOL.
uh oh headache strikes again.
ah wells. HAHA okay imi gna go clear up my itunes nw.
so messssssssy. hahaha. okay, till then! :D
loveeeee.

oh no, bad dreams. disturbing :(

2010-01-10T00:29:00.002+08:00

okay, just so you all know,
i screwed up my performance for open house today.
honestly. it was th worst performance i ever had.

im sorry.
it might have been a wrong song choice, it might have been because i was nervous,
it might have been cause i was nt wearing my usual earrings,
it might be because i was feeling too full, it might be because i didnt feel the song...
but whatever it is, i screwed it up.

and im done brooding over it alrdy.
im sorry b for being all annoying and annoyed th whole afternoon,
even though its our 4mth anni today.
well.
thts abt all i have to say for now.
good night.

HAPPY 4 MONTHS BABY!!! :)
i love you so much :D you know how much you mean to me :D :D :D

note to self: no more rihanna songs. EVER. dont even try attempting.

2010-01-08T11:35:00.002+08:00

aww man.
i think ive found it.
i think i know wht course i should be doing.
at least wht school i shd be in.
and its not SIT.
i think i should have enrolled into SIDM :(

uh ohhhh.
aiyah. but i dont think i have wht it takes to change course.
they need a portfolio. oh man :(
i wish i could draw.
if i could, i'd spend the rest of the term drawing and updating the portfolio so i can appeal to change course.
oh maaan.
okay i better get back to projects :(

ayeee. bye.

2010-01-06T00:19:00.001+08:00

hey guys!
sorry uh, but my performance slot has changed!
yup. same day and same venue..
just different timing.
now, my performance is at 3pm :)
so do support still if youre around the corner!
thanks and cheerios! :D

xoxo.

2010-01-03T23:57:00.002+08:00

ayeeeeeeeeeeee. i want sally henson nail polishhhhhhhhhhhhh :(
i want th french manicure onesssssss (cause they have a very thin brush for th white polish)
andddddddd the instant dry rich glitter purple oneeeee :(

also sally henson's nail careeeee.
the extra hardening one, th fast growth one, the base and top coats annnnnnd!
30 second quick dryyyyyy!

i think i'd have t save close to $100 for it -.-
and i still owe mommy $100 bucks for th phone.
oh maaaaan. okay well.
oh a heavier note.
SCHOOL STARTS TMR.
shucksssss. oh, and is thr anything due for Java Innov Proj tmr?
cause if there is, im so screwed :]

wahahah okay time t go sleep :)
ohhhh and everyone! dont buy silky girl's nail polish.
its so watery :(
i shd have bought th sally henson one today instead >< hurrr HAHAH
kay night night anddd bye :)

2010-01-03T17:41:00.002+08:00

yessssss. i want thisssssss!
hahah mhmm. its th SILVER IPOD MINI!
ultra ancient uh. HAHA. yeaah XD
hehehe so if anyone knows of someone whos willing to sell their 6gb silver ipod mini..
please let me know!
if you dont have my contacts then just drop a tag at th tagbox yeah! :D
thanks loads :D
hehehe.

2010-01-02T12:13:00.002+08:00

whoot!
yup! in th midst of clearing my room.
HAHAHA idk why uh.
mommy woke me up at 830 today (Yeah! i know! so early right!)
and i really wnted t go back t slp...
but HAHA smth hit me and i started tidying up th room XD
trying to cover as much as i can.
right nw, progress has been good.
cleared study table, drawers, under th table,
bedside table top and drawers, floor, clothes hanger,
window side table and drawers, in btwn the tables..
cupboard w clothes nw..
anddddd left w dressing table + shelves behind door (secret food stash!)
hahaha. oh man. i shall make the 1st week of the month my cleaning week :)
or so i try.

WAHAHAH. i found so many weird clothes.
SWIMMING COSTUME AS BEEN DETECTED!
somebody *AHEMAMANDALATIFFAHEM* is supposed t go swimming w me uh.
since who knows when HAHA
if swimming is void then iceskating void also uh ;)
HAHAHAH we shd have a bff outing once a month or once in two wks uh manz. HAHAH.
we shall check our timetable and get back to each other XD
well. im in a rather good mood today. lol. wonder why XD

OH OH OH! congrats to b for completing his reservist! HEHEHEHE.
okay lah, monday still gt.. but tht one ceremony or smth right. LOL.
so enjoy2 uh.

hahah okay time t go back t packing.. then go prepare for SHERLOCK HOLMES!
hahahah okay bye all :D

2010-01-01T20:48:00.007+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! :)
heres wishing all of you an awesome 2010! :D seek peace in everything you do yeah! :D

Alright, for old time's sake..
i shall do up a list of new year resolutions HAHAH
and see how many i can actually fulfill in the year 2010 XD

here goes! (dont laugh uh)

1. Lose weight (its on th top of th list every year =\)
2. Learn to prioritize
3. Put the past behind and look forward to the future
4. Stop grumbling about every little thing
5. Consistently study japanese and memorise both hiragana and katakana charts asap
6. Try to put more emotions into singing...
7. Be there for as many people as I can
8. Dont forget the old friends just cause new friends arrive in my life (!!!)
9. Learn to treasure wht i got :)
10. Try to build up my spiritual life again.

Alright, those are in no order or whatsoever.
just listed all those tht came into my mind.
HAHAH i shall be looking back at this post when it hits 2011 and prolly start laughing.
hope I can fulfill as many of them as I can..
And heres wishing all of you who wrote lists to fulfill them too :)
Try try try and nv give up! remember tht goal tht youre working towards to :)

Mine is towards going to Japan in the future..
So yeap! hope its big enough an inspiration for me.
I even got it tattooed on me.
Ah, i think it should be big enough ;)

Oh, and thanks mans, for the awesome party ytd :)
hehehehe love love. (drunk you was funny XD)
and thanks for coming down b :B
love love too :D

Alright, thanks for reading once again..
and ciao! :)

*edit!
lemme add another item to the list..
11. Push myself vocally. I really wna do better as a vocalist and performer :)
12. NOT BE LATE! (try try try try try!)

2009-12-29T12:10:00.009+08:00

YEAAAH! zoo on sunday was awesome! :)
all photos credited to casse :) thanks for all th hard work girl :D
hahah well, basically we just walked ard th zoo and saw so many awesome animals :)
hehehehe horsessssssss (Y)
and white tigersssssss (Y)(Y)

hahahah. aft zoo, b and i took th express bus back to town to exchange my f21 shirt LOL
wrong colour XD heh then we walked ard for a bit and headed back :D

sunday was really fun!
just really wna thank everyone for making it happen :D
and thanks bernice for th tickets and all :)

love ya'll! :)

okay nw time to start on vb.net proj. eeeee.

oh yes EVERYONE! im having another upcoming performance :)

Im singing for NYP Open House, happening from 6th - 8th of Jan :)
My slot will be from 12.40 - 1, on the 8th, at the NYP Atrium :)
So please come down and support if youre around th vacinity! :)
takeeee careeee and byeeee ! :D

2009-12-25T14:06:00.002+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!
Yup, heres wishing everyone a very merry christmas and a happy new year :)

On a side note, christmas doesnt feel that christmassy for me this year.
yeah. i dont know why either. but its alright :)
at least its im having my hols :) gotta really start working on projects next week.
like seriously. sigh.
been pretty stoned this week. forgive me for that.
alright, quick update :)

22nd: met up w mans t go shopping :) thanks for that day mans :)

23rd: had auditions in school for open house. yup. took my chances with "take a bow". i know i know, not upbeat =\ but oh wells. i just...... cant really do upbeat =\ been stressing over it for th past few days. but yup. i guess... whts done is done. just hope for th best :)

24th: :) met up w b and we had an early christmas celebration :) loads of things happened.. well. no worries about those. like you always say, ups and downs right? haha wht matters is tht we resolved everything and we're still as happy as before, if not happier, right? :) i love you b and thts all tht matters :) i still owe you present part 2! lol look out for it ;) thanks for th gift :) even though you really shouldnt have spent so much. realllllly b. still. have fun okay! :D

25th: went for mass w family in th morning. i was so so sleepy. was practically sleeping th whole way through. also, i was freezing. i dont know whyyyy =\ oh wells. think im falling sick. came back home and slept till lunch time. felt so cold. i really dont know why. still having headache nw =\ ayeeee. anyways, had a great lunch, thanks mommy :) roasted chicken + sausages + honey baked ham + salad + pizza + seafood clam chowder soup :) the best. really. no restaurant can beat mommy's cooking :) aiyah. i should learn from her someday XD

so thts about if for now, still feeling a little dizzy. i'll prolly go rest for a bit more.
take care ya'll! and enjoy your holidays :) love love! :D

2009-12-22T12:38:00.001+08:00

does it feel different t you?
does it, really?

cramps are killing me. shitz shitz shitz. wth is happening t meeee.

2009-12-20T23:40:00.001+08:00

today's goodbyes were the hardest to say...
because i know i wont see you tmr.
and that i wont be seeing you for quite a while.

i'm going to miss you so much b.
please take care of yourself alright?
after youre done, come back and claim what belongs to you.

i love you. and i'll be waiting for you.

2009-12-20T10:59:00.002+08:00

ytd was one hell of a night.
woah.

okay so went t recontract w daddy in th morning.
got a new phone. lucky me. omnia2 was on offer. so it was 100 bucks off.
but i had t pay tht 100 for recontracting penality. sigh.
and its gna be deducted off my allowance. oh wellllllls.

then went t get cheesecake ingredients.
mhmmm. bought more digestive biscuits LOL.
then rushed home and went t make th cheesecake. lol.
thennn. showered and gt ready t head out.
took 74 and went t hg int t meet b :)
was so colddddd. headed to marc's granny's place :D
everyone was karaoke-ing! haha.
his dad offered me a glass of.. lime vodka i think.
tht loosened me up a little.

then it was just sausages, potato salad, green tea, more lime vodka, photo-taking, singing, (wah i zao sia damn bad), toilet trips, dog, watching mahjong, cheesecake, jelly, sleeping, calling, crying, laughing, walking to bus stop to see mans, bertram wearing red shirt (i think?), very worried and angry people =\, taxi ride home, 7 bucks, feeling horrible, necklace and heavy head.

thts all i can rmb so far. but i know it was fun.
and i really wna thank everyone for taking care of me.
i know i was a real nuisance ytd. im sorry :(
thank you marcus, for organising! :)
thank you clara, for taking care of me.
thank you charis, for entertaining me.
thank you fy, for entertaining me and being all daddy-ish :)
thank you isaac for complying to my requests.. hahaha.
thank you gary for the greentea.
thank you fadz for using my perfume XD
thank you kasem for sharing th drinks.
thanks to everyone for eating th cheesecake and jelly! :D

especially thank you b, for caring.
im really sorry about everything. for saying stupid things, for crying for no reason, for insisting tht i have my way.. man. i really dont know wht got into me.
but still, thank you for not leaving me there. ily.

also, thank you mans. and bertram.
for waiting at th bus stop. and for entertaining me for a while.
thanks for caring too :)

ah wells. as much fun as i had ytd, i should put tht behind me.
im just super sorry to everyone for making a mess out of myself.
thanks a lot guys :) love love love :D

2009-12-17T13:18:00.003+08:00

2009-12-17T13:18:00.001+08:00

rocker elmo! :)

elmo never fails to make me smile :)

wanted to find teletubbies on youtube, but they cant seem to load.

elmo loaded :)

and now im smiling.

even though presentation is like.. 40 mins away and we're th first group.

oh goodness gracioussssss meeeeeeeehhhh.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE dont let us screw up!

okay bye :)

2009-12-15T15:17:00.004+08:00

i dont think i know whts real and whts fake anymore.
everyones wearing a mask.
i think sometimes, when i wear my mask, i myself cant tell if im real or fake anymore.

sometimes, when i just snap out of my little bubble,
i dont really know whts going on in life.
its like.. the past few months have been a dream to me.
i think ive been living in this really.. perfect fantasy.
and finally, i think ive snapped out of it.
im starting to realise that life isnt all that good after all.
nothing can be that perfect.

think im gna take these two weeks of holidays to really reflect on whats going on.
i think i need to get back on my feet, by myself, to try and figure things out.
sometimes i wish i could just take a break.
by myself, to some resort to try and think things through.
but we all know thts nt possible.
oh wells back to eclipsing. sigh. presentation tmr. practical test on friday.
just hope i'll magically understand vb.net while revising it.

ciao.

2009-12-15T15:17:00.003+08:00

GRRRRRRRR.

im back w th tuesday blues :(

phone's spoilt. i dont know if i can recontract anytime soon.

even if im eligible, i dont know if daddy's willing t go down and get it w me.

and i still got t think about where i can get my $298 from -.-

hope i get th voucher.. which will mean i get my phone for $248.

BUT THEN, i'd still need th 248.

maaaaaaaaan. so annoying.

temperature's been going up and down... i dont know whts happening.

i think im just highly frustrated with my life.

well, at least its th hols next week.

im prolly just gna be stuck at home and sleep the hols away.

who knowsssssssss.

okay, i realise tht ive been complaining A LOT.

sigh. oh wells. alright. i think i'll go try and listen to mr phua now..

and AJAX tht hes talking about. woosah. reminds me of dpa.

oh, good old days.

wahahah okay bye :)

2009-12-13T00:28:00.002+08:00

as said, im gna blog about today XD

basically woke up at abt 10 and slacked around till lunchtime.
wahahah. after lunch, i started organizing my stuff.
yeaaah. all th lose papers tht are within my course notes..
and i did some studying :) grrr. and i realised how many mistakes i made for java test -.-
sigh. dcn project due next week too.
andddd i urgently need visual studio :( practical's this coming week and i still dont have it installed :( im so screwed :(

so yeah after studying i went t prepare.
met b downstairs at abt 445 and we headed off to yck stn t meet charis and joshua.
waited a little while more for rene and timothy.
took 162 and started walking in to mediacorp.
saw really awesomely nice and huge houses :) charis and i were talking about them HAHA
then met daddy at th reception area :) handsomeeeee :)
after photo taking we headed into th studios.
blah blah blah. they rehearsed th shouting and all.
then th show started promptly at 8. live shows are all like tht XD
AND THEN.

THERE WAS THIS ROW OF CHINA PEOPLE SITTING AT TH BACK OF US.
OMG THEY WERE SO ANNOYING.
TO THE MAX. first they SHOUT. yeah. they dont whisper, they dont talk.
THEY SHOUT! everything. MAN! was alrdy getting so annoyed.
even charis got annoyed.
THEN NOT ENOUGH KNOW!
cause there was this old man.. playing some game thingy.
and cause of his age, he couldnt really excell in th game.
th whole studio was encouraging him..
but instead of encouraging him, THEY MOCKED AT HIM!
YEAH! THEY LAUGHED SO FRIGGIN LOUDLY.
wah so annoyingggggg. then joshua got annoyed -.-
GRRRRRR. and then they started shouting again -.-
wah super cannot tahan.

okay and then after th show, stayed back to say bye to daddy.
then headed off to prata house. all 5 of us.
joshua, clara, charis, b and myself.
AND GUESS WHT! we saw one of th china person there!
WOAAAAAH wht are th odds -.-
aiyah didnt care lol. b was amusing me XD hehehe loveeee.
then i ordered so much! couldnt finish uh. WAS SO FULL.
but cause i try my best nv to waste food, i ate.
then full like ultra full... (im still feeling so stuffed now)
hahah went to take a walk t b :) talked and talked :)
then headed back and headed home :)

today was alright uh. lol. if the china people werent so annoying, it'd be more fun :)
got a feeling tmr will be a little like today.
b's gna study w his classmates.. so i'll probably only see him at night.
so it'll be church for me in th morning.. then sleep.
then i'll try t cover some topics for dcn and vb...
alright im done blogging :)
till next time :D

just a little note for my daddy fengyao:
Daddy! dont feel like you let us down! you didnt! we enjoyed it so much.
at least i enjoyed it :) i really felt you. lol. now i want th song. LOL.
must send me next time uh :) hehehe im so glad i went down today to see you.
cause it was really really... awesome :) so proud of you.
hang in there alright! :) cheer up daddy dearest :D

2009-12-11T10:00:00.004+08:00

yooooo, do vote for us k? :)
http://www.canon.com.sg/stylelook/
click on th vote button at th bottom right,
the on th top left, click vote this!
ours is entry 509!
you can stand to win a camera too!
plsxzz help! thanks :D

2009-12-11T10:00:00.000+08:00

i think im gna start studying from today onwards.
:)

hahah just felt like posting tht :)
TGIF!! :)

2009-12-10T11:19:00.000+08:00

yuh huh. im having a bad day.
day started out bad cause of th java test -.-
was so late, so had to cab to sch.
im so broke as it is alrdy :(

grrrrrr. super angry now. dont know why.
v's upset too. sighhhh.
working on comm skills proj during lunch.
so many things coming up.
just got our vb.net assignment ytd. i still have java ao start studying.
and dcn to understand.
not forgetting next week's java innov proj presentation -.-
worry about my formal clothes -.-

maaaaan. hate it hate it hate it.
hate the holidays too.
i'd rather have school with you around than holidays alone.
okay okay i should stop whining. i know you feel th same way too.

i'd give anything to have sunday repeat itself for one week...
shit. im starting to yawn alrdy. its only 11 plus in th morninggggg.
how am i gna lastttttttttt.

okay i think im gna go sulk.
bye.

2009-12-08T11:19:00.004+08:00

I've finally found.. what ive been looking for (L)

Sentosa, Tanjong Beach! :D
Pre 3 Months celebration cause th 9th of this month falls on a weds.
also, its the week before b's common tests.
so yeah. dont think we're gna have anything on weds.
Anyways, sentosa on sunday was awesome :)
hehehe. met b at 9 plus (WOAH SO EARLY! FIRST TIME!!!)
headed off to bishan first to withdraw cash and b had a quick burger.
sorted out th stuff... and took 57 off to sentosa.
hahaha i fell asleep in th bus =x ayeeeee =x always =x

then it was b's turn t sleep after i woke up.
then we went t get some drinks.. and took th monorail to sentosa :)
hahahaha (firsttimeuhsomeone,ahemahem)
th IR is coming up pretty nicely. cool.
alighted at beach station and headed off to take th beach tram to tanjong beach :)
alighted at th nearest stop and walked walked walked.
found a nice spot and settled down.
laid th mat, took out th food.. changed, applied tanning oil..
and then started spamming photos and started making sandwiches :D
theeeeeeen annoying people started playing volleyball so near our area.
wth lah. was so angry. th ball nearly hit us some more -.-
azzzzzzzzzzolezzzzzz.
was quite angry for a while hahah then yeah. b cheered me up hahaha
laid down and rested for a while...
got up and ate some more..
then we played 'guess-who'.. laughed..
took moer photos.. listened to music..
faced a light rain, slept some more..
went t play w water.. hahahah. basically had the time of my life uh.
throughout th whole day, i was thinking to myself and saying out loud..
if only today could last forever.. if only today could be everyday.
ahh :) then we slacked for a while more.. till dark..
planned t go watch songs of th sea.. but we were running a little late on schedule.

night came.. and we had t call it a day.
went off t shower.. was alone in th huge toilet down at palawan beach.
freaked out totally.
didnt even draw eyeliner properly and ran out of th toilet.
lol. first time i showered so fast i think HAHAHA
yupp then after tht we headed back to harbourfront.
ate dinner and headed home.
i was so exhausted.. fell asleep on th way home too.
thanks b, for looking out for me. and sending me home too even thought you were so tired yourself. love you :)
went home, showered and fell asleep immediately i think HAHAHA
and on th next morning, i woke up smiling :)

i really had so much fun. thank you so much b :)
i love you :D

so yeah. tht was how sunday went ;)
ytd was alright.. went t get my shirt from CO. saw jade! :)
and then went t get b's phone.
met clara josh charis and gary for kway chap at night.
i had a monsterous appetite ytd =\
hahahahah. had so much fun.. th 6 of us.
HAHA. clara and josh in their own world.. gary and b being all "gay-ish"..
charis and i laughing out hearts out XD
cute kitty on th way home! :D
so yeah. went home happy. .and sleepy.

heheheh i think i shd stop tying.. V's complaining tht im being too noisy =x
heh alright till next time :)
ciaoooo :D

meowwwww :D

2009-12-05T23:57:00.002+08:00

aye. realised i havent blogged for quite a while.
hahaha. sorryyyy =x
aiyah not like many people read my blog anyways XD

so yes. quick update :)
lets seeeee.
monday was alright. school was cool...
tuesday was awesome :)
didnt have th tuesday blues, for th first time! XD
b and i ended school early, so we went to th flyer :)
walked ard th raffles place shopping mall before heading off.
sat at popeyes first cause we wanted t watch th sunset in th cabin :)
so we went up at about 630. there was a couple having a photoshoot in one of th cabins!
so cool uh!
hahaha our cabin was filled w tourists XD haha quite cool uh.
then th skies started turning dark LOL
but it didnt rain. hahah it was awesome lah.

then before we landed.. there was a huge "Merry christmas" sign.
then b told me tht..
he brought me here as an early christmas celebration.
cause on the actual day itself, he has reservist.
so sweeeet. thank you b :)
love you plenty plenty :)
so then we walked for a bit in th garden and went t get popeyes :)
heh. kenna cheated! HAHAHAH but its alright :)
then headed back t bishan cause it was drizzlingggg.
was so sleepy after tht HAHA i think i slept in th bus =x
then went home. tht was a really awesome day uh :)
hehehe flyer (Y)

weds was cool. had production meeting. haha came up w storyline details.
thursdayyyyyy we had soundcard :)
raggggggae. hahahahaha. no comments :)
fridayyyy, yesterdayyyyyyy,
supposed t have presentation, but th teacher forgot -.-
had math quiz (HAHAHA) and got black-listed many times XD
met clara charis and josh aft sch :)
charis was so brave t go donate blood! proud of you baby :)
after sch, went to b's sister's place at sengkang.
is it? HAHA i think so =x yeah he went t fix up th computer.
so cute. there were 5 birds at her place! :)
and 11 or 13 birds at b's place HAHA
nice nice nice :)

aaaaand today.
went town w b t fix his phone :)
then to novena t get his sleeveless shirt.
oh man. i need t find a way t get more cash.
the cotton on shorts and shirt. ahhhhhhhh.
i think ima buy both of them nxt week. lol.
need th shorts! and th shirt's cooooool :)

then aft tht was supposed t go for mass.. but ended up nt gg.
so oh wells. gna go tmr instead :)
aaaaand TMR IS FINALLY HERE! :) :) :)
gna blog abt it, no doubt. hahahaha.
awesome uh. its like east coast part2 ! :)
hehehe cant wait cant wait cant wait :)
hope th skies will be clear and sunny! :D
yayyyyyy. picnic + sand + sea + sun + my favourite boy :)
ahhh. okay i better nt get too excited.
later cannot slp -.-
then get up late -.- then nv go for mass -.-
then i really mati.
hahaha alright i think ima end off here for today.

and a big shout out to all those loyal readers :)
THANK YOU GUYS! MWAHHHHH (L)(L)(L)
heheheh. byeeeee! :D

2009-11-30T12:09:00.002+08:00

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
Ill give it to someone
I'll give it to someone special

Once bitten and twice shy
I keep my distance, but you still catch my eye
Tell me baby, do you recognize me?
Well it's been a year, it doesn't surprise me
Happy Christmas

I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying "I love you", I meant it
Now I know what a fool I've been
But if you kissed me now, I know you'd fool me again

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special
Special
Yea yea

A crowded room, friends with tired eyes
I'm hiding from you, and your soul of ice
I thought you were someone to rely on
Me, I guess I was a shoulder to cry on

A face on a lover with a fire in her heart
A man under cover but you tore me apart
Now I've found a real love, you'll never fool me again

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Ill give it to someone special

I think this has to be my favourite christmas song ever.
lol. i cant seem to get enough of it.
favourite version has to be the savage garden and hilary duff one.
HAHAH taylor swift did a cover too!

yeah, christmas is coming :)
the christmas tree at home looks awesome :)
alright. just wanted t post this song up.
toodles!

if i had one wish, it'd be to spend a very merry white christmas w you (L)

2009-11-30T00:41:00.000+08:00

yup, back :)

so friday and sat was basically spent at charis's place :)
met her up at yishun mrt and went over to th market area t get drinks.
wanted t rent movies but i thought it'd be a waste of money..
cause i thought we were gna have so many things t do.

then headed off to her place.
wii-ed for a while and then called gary and sos-ed for him t come asap.
cause her mom wanted me t eat.. and all her relatives were there.
didnt wna eat alone w them.
gary came aft a while and then we had a ultra tiny portion and skipped back t wii.
haha, them playing boxing on wii is really funny XD
then came clara :) talked a bit.. and then she did some work..
and we camwhored a lot. lol.
her effects were cool :) then gary and clara gt violent.
hahahah many scratches XD then gary got a call and headed off t go drinking.
so we waited for th other two boys t arrive.

then after a while, joshua and b came.
wii-ed some more and erm. stoned.
lol. b was using his laptop so i went t disturb him.
was getting pretty late.. so i kinda went off t slp cause b look really tired.
we promised t get a one hr power nap then wake up.
cause charis couldnt get t slp.. so someone had t accompany her.
josh was watching a movie. clara was on and off.
btwn movie and charis.
at abt 4, she couldnt take it alrdy.
so we changed shift and i watched over charis for a bit.
but she fell asleep soon enough. hahah.
then yeah. we slept in.
till about 7, i thought i heard gary's voice.
didnt care and went back t nap.
then at abt 9 plus, charis woke us up.

brought her laptop and announced to us tht its 'reggae week' this week.
all stoned.
HAHAHA how to do reggae sia. its harder than rock.
oh wells. we'll see.
then yeah. stoned even more. finally all woke up and then went inside th room to laze ard.
cool, all 6 of us on two beds :) hahaha.
got some breakfast of yam cake :)
after breakfast, i went back t slp.. b was nxt t me. and th rest were laughing at some video.
then charis's mom came back. all of us jumped out of bed to get lunch.
lunched and talked about whackings and methods our parents used to hit us when were young.
ayeeee. all so fierce.

then went off t shower.
we took turns. and then blah blah blah and all headed out.
they headed out t watch a movie and go towning.
mom needed me back home t help w th tree.
but later she texted and said th tree was done..
so i went out w b instead.
went t city hall.. got some carl's jr and went to th esplanade rooftop.
had a blast :)
was so tireddddddddd after tht, i stoned all th way home. hahah.
mrt-ed home cause we were running late.

today, met b in th afternoon and we watched 'twilight' on my laptop.
then i left and went for mass while b stayed in th lib for a while.
then dinner... and off to watch 'new moon'. yeaaaah. now th feel is back LOL
i realise tht both edward and jacob resemble people in my life. lol.
oh wells :) it was nice watching th twilight saga again :)
hahaha TAYLOR SO HOT LAAA WAAAAAH. LOL.
then yeah headed to active aft th movie :)

and then home. and here i am, blogging XD
alright. thts all for now. take care ya'll :)
byeeeee!

2009-11-27T15:32:00.002+08:00

If i walk would you run
If i stop would you come
If i say you're the one would you believe me
If i ask you to stay would you show me the way
Tell me what to say so you don't leave me
The world is catching up to you
While your running away to chase your dream
It's time for us to make a move cause we are asking one another to change
And maybe i'm not ready

Chorus
But i'm trying for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
We've been hiding enough

If i sing you a song would you sing along
Or wait till i'm gone, oh how we push and pull
If i give you my heart would you just play the part
Or tell me it's the start of something beautiful
Am i catching up to you
While your running away, to chase your dreams
It's time for us to face the truth cause we are coming to each other to change
And maybe i'm not ready

Chorus
But i'm trying for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
We've been hiding enough

I will try for your love
I can hide up above

2x huh huhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh huh huhhh

If i walk would you run
If i stop would you come
If i say you're the one would you believe me

:) such a lovely song. Gary sung it ytd during soundcard.
hahaha yeah, it was 'rock' week XD
absolutely had no idea wht song t sing until the very last minute.
when the room was open, i sat at one corner and started searching. HAHA.
even during the warmups i was thinking about wht song i should pick.
then i finally decided on "I'm with you" by Avril Lavinge.
It wasnt really tht rock i guess.
It was a rather slow song.
But oh wells. hahaha its over XD
Hope they pick country/jazz week next week.
Country would be awesome! I already have a song in mind ;)
CARRRRRRRRRRRIE UNDERWOOOOOOOD FTWWWWW! :)

hahaha going over t Charis's place t sleepover ltr.
Actually, soon uh.
After this post, I should start packing XD
Hope her wireless is up XD
If not I guess its just spamming of photos and video watching throughout th night! XD
oh, and not forgetting, HER WII! hahahah. so lucky uh. her mom won it! XD

finally, its a long holiday.
Guess I've been pretty drained by everything thts happening.
School work, projects, catching up, production.. and other stuff too.
Hahahah I really need this break.
Oh and to all my Malay friends out there,
HAPPY HARI RAYA HAJI! :)

heehee :)
alright then i guess thts all for now, shall pack up and head over to Charis's place.
The skies look like theyre clearing up :)
CIAOOOO! :)

b, last night was so awesome, wasnt it? :)
Star gazing w such a clear sky.
No worries, I'm sure we'll see that shooting star soon :)
i love youuuuu :D

2009-11-24T11:40:00.002+08:00

gwaaaaah. its already week6.
sigh. so fast so fast. the year's coming to an end. christmas is cominggggg.

4 more weeks till b goes for reservist :(
oh wells. we shall treasure the 4 weeks then :) caaaan one :)
sooo. has production meeting yesterday.
came up w th storyline for the 3rd time.
hope everything goes fine this time. really.
just want everyone t be happy lah :)

scaaaaaaaary. soonkueh's like appearing and disappearing at th back of th LT.
wahah. like monsterrrrrrr.
no production meeting today :)
gna go get shirtttt :) hope th cutting will be nice LOL
i really wna get some polos.
and finally, a day off. hahaha.
cause we're all chionging project ltr. soon.

okay lah. my eyes getting a little tired.
shall go sleep for a while :)

OHHHHHHHH CANT WAIT TO WATCH NEW MOON :)
hehehehe okay bye :D

2009-11-22T12:04:00.003+08:00

i'm dreaming of a white christmas...

Yeaaah.
Been walking around town for th past few days w b :)
th lightings are pretty :) heheh.
i love christmas :)
so muchhhhh. the christmassy feel never fails t make me smileee :)

so yeah. its been a pretty normal week.
time passing by so quickly.
i better start studying. sigh.
i always say tht =\
oh wells. yeap.

hmmm not very much to say.
been busy w soundcard, production and all.
just hope everything goes well, really.

hahah woah i cant believe i have nothing to say XD
okay then shall wrap up and errrr. try t do something productive.
hahah ciao! :)

2009-11-18T23:58:00.002+08:00

YAY! all th performers for today :) :) :)
hahah had fun today :)

was totally not on time, as usual..
so rushed to pack everything, get ready and all..
took a cab down to sch and went up to practice :)
HAHAH i screwed up th lyrics again LOL but maya cool only. lol.
so in th end we both laughed it off and eventually it was alright la.
watched th others do their final practices.
was so awesome :)

hehe. the duet was pretty soothing uh :)
maya, we did well! :) we gave it our best. lol. screw ups were kinda covered up i think.
so no worries lah babe :)
hahahah.
thanks to lover for coming down to support!!! :) :) :) hehehe and ur friends too :) LOVE!
and to eug and kc and farid.. thanks as well.
even though ya'll didnt catch th perf LOL but yeah thanks for making th effort xD sry for th screw ups =x
sooooo.

m&m performed too! SO FRIGGIN WELL OMG.
okay this time im really nt being biased.
BUT IT WAS RLY SO NICE.
lol charming as always.
reminded of me th first time.. "never say goodbye"..
and how everything started ;)

aft performance, rannnnnnnn back to clubroom t get my change of clothes.
rannnnnn through th blocks w fy. like literally RAN RAN RAN RAN RAN.
lol. macam warm ups before perf XD
then got th clothes and made our way back to tfa.
changedddddd. i went to th male's toilet! WAHAHAH.
for fun la k LOL then yeah went t do make up.
THICK LIKE WHAAAAAAAT. lol thanks for it though :)

then rusheddddd to perform on stage.
LOL i thought it was just dry run sia LOL
nice nice. i had no spotlight.
if nt, buang alrdy LOL i was wearing all white XD
but th experience was nice
its nice singing at tfa LOL
saw soundcarders cause they waved frantically XD HAHAHAH
so cute lah. then yeahhhhh :)
aft th performance, i asked rene if it was just a run through HAHA
she laughed at me and said no it was th actual thing.
-.- haiyer. lol then i laughed at myself -.-

hahah then daddy and shikin performed.
it was nothing but th best :)
OF COURSE, PRESIDENT AND VICE PRESIDENT WHAAAAAT.
who's cca? ;)
HAHAHAHA yes clara. i can imagine your face when u read this XD HAHAHAH
learn from ppl one okaaay XD

aft perf went back t clubroom LOL
listened to b sing for a while :)
(died a bit XD)
then went off t koufu t makan.
ate and went back t clubroom.
watched videos of th performances and then went down to e307 for production meeting.

was alright uh. storyline roughly all done.
was drained out of brain juices LOL idk uh was super stoned aft a while.
then it all came back for a while then no more HAHA
ended at 9 plus and we all went t eat :)

KOI CAFE IS NT KOI CAFE! its "dou" cafe!! LOL
hahha went off t kopitiam and everyone ate.
was greedy but nt hungry.
so b said dont eat LOL so i didnt eat.
then talk talk talk and went home.

B just saw super bright stars while he was otw home! :(
i didnt :( not fairrrrrr. i always miss cool stuff like tht :(
oh wells. its alright. leave it up t fate thennnnn.
hahah and i think im done for th day XD
take care and keeeeeep singing!
OH SHEEEEET need to pick song for tmrrrrr.

guys, "paparazzi" or "this is me"??
helppppp.

okaaay ciaoooo :)

2009-11-18T09:19:00.002+08:00

okay so aft sch headed down to tfa for practice.
SBM day today. singing "angels brought me here" again :)
yeap, in th white dress. LOL.
yeaah. excused from class today as well cause theres lunchtime performance ltr :)
if i were a boy w maya!
i love her voice :)

really, ultimate diva. lol.

then yeaaah. found out some stuff ytd..
and it really got me thinking..
no la, not th 2012 stuff.
stuff abt this one particular individual.

i really wonder why everything started out w a lie.
why did you have to lie to us?
it was since the start.. its not like you were forced into a situation to make you lie to us.
why did you have to portray yourself as such a perfect person?
you yourself know tht no one's perfect.
im sure ive said tht like a million and one times before.
there are always flaws in a person. in every person.
even if others know your flaw, no one will laugh at you.

as friends, im sure we would have tried to help you out instead.
why why why why why did you have to do that?
i didnt hide my flaws. the whole world knows im scared of the unknown and cockroaches.
yeah yeah, some people might even laugh at me about it..
but so what? well, if its friendly laughter, laugh all you want.
at least im making you laugh.
but if theyre laughing and gloating at me.. then its their problem.
theyre just being immature.

did you know how it felt when we found out everything?
and worse still, when its not from you?
we trusted you. we really did.

oh wells. okay enough ranting =x hahah shall grab some soyaaaabean drink and head off to prepare t go to schooooooooooool :)

SOUNDCARD PERFORMANCE AT ATRIUM,
1.45PM!
SOUNDCARD PERFORMANCE AT LIBRARY,
BEFORE ATRIUM PERFORMANCE.

wahahah. catch us in action once again! :)
heheheh.

thank God for soundcard :)
xoxoxoxoxoxo :D

ciaoooooo! :)

2009-11-17T10:52:00.003+08:00

wooooohooooo,
guess wht!
we're all gna die! XD
hahahaha.

went t watch 2012 w b ytd at amk.
lol. it was not bad uh. really :)
worth th wait and worth th booking online and all th nonsense.
hahaha. th effects were really good XD hahaha.

other than that, ytd was pretty alright lah.
practiced a while w maya before leaving school though.
haha as usual. lyrics problem HAHA
but i think i managed to memorise it alrdy :)
hehe. yeaaah. haha.
got dry run laterrr. hope everything goes well :)
then i can go get my shorts or smth XD

had DCN test todaaay, dont kn ow how uh HAHA i think i did pretty badly.
lol. didnt really understand wht i was writing. aiyah. pass can alrdy lah XD
i better start studying.
V says she wants t go to th lib to have a study routine thingy.
i shd follow. shdnt wait till last min again.

g and v are talking about paranormal activity now.
omg fking scary. shittttttttttt. i shouldnt have listened -.-
now im scared -.-
okay time t make my way down to math lectureee.
hahah ciaoooo :)

2009-11-14T16:00:00.002+08:00

yknow tht expression about having
"love someone so much, youre willing to give anything to see him happy"?

yeaaah i think i finally felt it last night.
b was having such a bad day and i felt so useless, nt being able to do anything to help :(
i was never good at cheering people up..
so all i could offer was a listening ear and prolly come up w some ultra super lame joke to lighten th mood or smth.
so thts wht i didddd.

yuppppp. i hope it cheered you up :)
i'd do anything to see you smile. anything to make you happy.
always remember that okay? :)

hahah so yeaaah. went to teach beatris guitar today! :)
havent seen her for so longgg.
her hair grew longer. SO PRETTY NOW LAH PLEASE!
hahaha. another lesson tmr! :)
i'll try to find th mayday and huangyida songs for you k k k. i try XD

yeah pretty stoned. might be meeting b later lateeee at night.
all depends on wht time he finishes things up w marc :)
so yeah for now, i shall makan my duck rice and finish up proposal whic was due ytd =\
ayeeee. okaaay byeeee!

2009-11-12T11:12:00.000+08:00

GET WELL SOONNNNN B!
aiyooo stupid virus flying alllll overrrrr theeeee placeeeeeeeee.
grrrrrr. super pissing me off.
everyones falling sick!
classmates and soundcarders :(
sigh. get well soon everyone!
and in th process, i hope i wont fall ill myself.
hahaha sheeeeeet.

production meeting yesterday was pretty good :)
productive :) hahahha and yeaaah.
cant wait for th next meeting tonight to further develop ideas :)
lets work tgt and make production awesome okaaay! :D
hehehee.

having java class nw and WOW.
i can actually understand stuff today!
actually i think th tutor good uh. really :)
ahah shes patient enough to teach me :) when i know no nothing. hahahaha.

OKAY BREAK TIME! :)
YAYYY okay bye :)

2009-11-10T11:12:00.002+08:00

HAPPY 2ND MONTH BABYYYYY!
(okaay it was ytd uh, but i was so tired =x)

heheheh yuppp. thank you for everything :)
for the past 2 months :) heheh. everyday spent with you is so awesome :)
really :) i meant everything i said to you, on MSN, in SMS and in person also.
so yeaah you get the idea :)

heh.
soooo, went to cine ytd. as usual. haha. like our favourite place uh ;)
went to watch "My girlfriend is a secret agent".
The korean movie. Its not bad. ultra funny :)
hahah and th male lead in th movie like B uh. HAHA.
so boyish XD i love th female lead's hair! i wnttttt!

went t eat pastamania too :) heh b's debut XD
pastaaaa was goood. but they had bits of garlic in it.
dang. felt like puking everytime i accidentally bit into one. sigh.
but it was alright lah. love their italian sodas :)
mmm starting this week, ima try to eat less.
b went to th gym th other day w hirman and oh maaaan.
he buffed up so much! haha. hot hot hot.
but here i am, still one short fat blob :(

i will try though. hahah have been pretty cooped up w work and sc too.
so yeaah i hope it distracts me enough so i stop thinking about food XD
heh. need to learn t be like mans.
surviving on one cup of bubbleteaaaaa. lol.

okaay uh i shall try and listen to cmath lecture nw.
sighhhh. okay till next time ya'll! :)

xoxo.

2009-11-08T22:55:00.003+08:00

YGT Finals today at Taka's open space area.
Shall let th pics do th talking ;)

(i think the last photo is so gorgeous. reaaaaally :D)

feeling super restless uh nw XD
hahah okaay ciao!

2009-11-08T10:34:00.002+08:00

heheheh had an awesome day out w b ytd :)
slept in and woke up at 10 plus.
shiokkkkkkkkkkk. man. ive been lacking sleep. LOL.

so yeah. mommy went for retreat..
so it was just daddy and me this weekend.
dom went to godma's place to stay. hahaha.
so yeaaah HAHA junk food weekend XD
daddy super cute uh.

then aft a while, b texted and said he almost met with an accident.
wah. i swear my heart stopped for a while.
haiyer. but thank goodness nothing happened.
to both of them. him and his cousin.
gotta be careful next time k, boys!

then met up w b :)
went to vivo. HAHA spontaneous and random trips around singapore again XD
heheheh.
yupppp. went to vivo :) hahaha.
many many shops! hahah. all to window shop and try out clothes. so cold uh th place.
B looked ultra hot in V :) heh.
the grey one from topman. wah. i swear.
one look at you in tht can kill. honest uh. im sure ivan will agree w me ;)
HEHEHE.
then aft tht we had carls jr :)
big big big big big portions.
th onion rings are gooood. heh. and th burger tooo. i likeeee.
but super fattening omggggz.
hahaha i shall go eat w mans one day, uh mans!
HAHA cause eat w you like can guilt free one.
you only eat th super healthy shitzzzz. hahaha.

then aft dinner we went to skypark. haha.
first timeee uh someone ;)
HAHAHA yeah it was nice. one biiiiiiiiiiiiiig christmas tree!!! :)
so pretty, th lights.
found a spot and sat down.
I HUNG MY LEGS OFF TH LEDGE!
wah shiokkkk :D
heh then talked and talked and.. yeahh.

time flew by sooo fast.
before we knew it, it was 1120 LOL
chionged and took th train back :)
panicked tht i didnt tap my card properly HEH
but in th end all just me being paranoid again XD it was fine.
bussed home.
b was supposed t meet daddy uh lol.
but daddy fell asleep -.-
so nevermindddd.
he went home aft tht :)

oh and b,
thrs really a malay wedding downstairs my hse uh. hahahah.
i think its today :)
or tmr. hehehe.
so excitinggggg. malay weddings are always cool. lights and music LOL
okaaay shall go get ready nw.

gna go down to taka to support the darlingest 3 seniors of mine who got through th FINALS of YOUth GOT TALENT!!!
hehehe. Shikin, Fadzly and Jossssshua! :)
ALL TH BEST YOU THREE~!
heh so awesome lah. they took 3 out of th 6 spots :)
ya'll super BOOMZ!

wahhaha okaaay till nxt time :)

(oh and im still hooked onto paparazzi. im sure gary can fully understand hw im feeling nw xD)

BYEEE!

oh and manzzzzzz, imy :(

2009-11-07T00:07:00.002+08:00

Some things we don't talk about
better do without
just hold a smile
we're falling in and out of love
the same damn problem

together all the while
you can never say never
when we don't know why
time and time again
younger now then we were before
don't let me go,
don't let me go,
don't let me go,
don't let me go,
don't let me go,
don't let me go

picture you're the queen of everything
as far as the i can see
under your command
i will be your gaurdening
when all is crumbling
steady your hand

you can never say never
when we don't know why
time and time again
younger now then we were before
don't let me go,
don't let me go,
don't let me go,
don't let me go,
don't let me go,
don't let me go

we're falling apart
and coming together again and again
we're coming apart
but we hold it together
hold it together, together again

don't let me go,
don't let me go,
don't let me go,
don't let me go,
don't let me go,
don't let me go.

I dont know why b, but when we were listening to this song just now...
i really felt something.
something strong btwn us.
the bus ride was comforting.. somehow.
thanks for following me down today.
i love you :)

OH AND YES! MY DARLING LAPTOP IS BACKKKKK!
congratulate me world! :)
HAHAHA okay bye :)
time to go reinstall everythingggggggggggggg.

2009-11-06T09:44:00.003+08:00

spent the first half of the morning trying to explain things to my mom.

cried, shouted, laughed, explained.

but no, she still doesnt get it.

even daddy helped today. thanks dad :)

i appreciate it. hahaha he even said randy said b looks like an awesome guy.

hahahah.

no worries clare, im sure mommy will accept him someday :)

God works miracles... In his time :)

And its not like i'll marry him tmr or smth also.

hahahaha. gotta chillaxxxxx XD

so anyways, this "exercise" wasnt all bad.

It actually made me realise how much I treasure the relationship :)

Hes not just a pretty face.

Cause I dont think i'd go to this extent cause of the pretty face.

(although he does have a pretty face XD)

hahaha. I guess he means so much to me...

So much that I'm willing to defend him. To put down my pride and try my best to explain things.

Cause hes worth it. He's really worth it :)

So b, short hair or long hair, i dont care.

As long as youre still th same guy inside.

As long as you keep to the promises we made to each other.

As long as youre still Ahmad Nur Iman.

SOOOOO anyways,

its been a pretty stoned week this week. hahaha. week3. aiyooooh.

stupid laptop down :(

annoying th shaaaat out of me :(

Will call HP later to ask abt it. sigh. im really starting to not be able to live without my laptop :(

Sigh. Hope it comes back to me soon... My baby.

Hehehe so soundcard ytd was alright..

Actually planned on scraping the trio..

Cause we were all so stessed out and stuff. Even darling clara wasnt herself.

I got a little scared.

Charis was stoned when she came too. So I guess we were all stressed.

The panadols I took werent effective =\

So had a pumping headache. But thankfully, it started fading just as practice proper started :)

hahah had like a part2 of the "old folks home concert" HAHAHA.

had two new members!

WELCOME, SELVA AND KELITA!

(sorry if i didnt get the names right =x)

hehehe ya'll will enjoy soundcard, trust me ;)

in th end, did an impromptu rendition of "Im yours" w charis.

hahaha. yeah. charis again ;)

yeah. hahahaha laughed cause we screwed up lyrics agaaaaain. lol.

like out signature screwy point siaaa XD

hahah then yeah. HAHA lunchtime coming up..

Really hope we can do well for "If I were a boy"... Maya and myself.

I love her voice so so much :) reaaaaally. hahaha.

we'll start practicing once we get the schedule uh :)

soooo, hope to receive feedback and we shall improve on it. hahaha.

ended up nt gg for math class today cause th whole family was at home..

and i guess i missed having family time.

Really wanted to catch up and all...

But who'd knew it'd end up to be some.. confrontation session.

Sigh. Oh wells. its alright. I think im over it nw :)

hahahah blogging is like some kind of theraphy! XD

so yeaaah i guess this concludes my week.

Not sure if anything interesting will crop up later..

but if it does, i'll blog it ;)

hahaha. okaaay for now, i better start getting my stuff in place,

facebook a little, listen to some instrumentals and head out so i wont be late for comm skills.

aaaaye ICA one today.. hope everything goes wellllllll. hahaha.

okaaay bye all :)

and thanks for reading through all this ranting. HAHA.

oh yes before i leave..

IM SOOOOOOOO ADDICTED TO PAPARAZZI! hehehe yeah th lady gaga one. HAHAH.

so hereeeee. lyrics, as usual ;)

We are the crowd
We're c-coming out
Got my flash on it's true
Need that picture of you
It's so magical
We'd be so fantastico

Leather and jeans
Garage glamorous
Not sure what it means
But this photo of us
It don't have a price
Ready for those flashing lights
'Cause you know that baby, I...

[Chorus:]
I'm your biggest fan
I'll follow you until you love me
Papa, paparazzi
Baby there's no other superstar
You know that I'll be
Your papa, paparazzi
Promise I'll be kind
But I won't stop until that boy is mine
Baby you'll be famous
Chase you down until you love me
Papa, paparazzi
[ Lady Gaga Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]

I'll be your girl
Backstage at your show
Velvet ropes and guitars
Yeah 'cause you're my rockstar
In between the sets
Eyeliner and cigarettes

Shadow is burnt yellow
Dance and we turn
My lashes are dry
Purple teardrops I cry
It don't have a price
Loving you is cherry pie
'Cause you know that baby, I...

[Repeat Chorus:]

Real good, we dance in the studio
Snap, snap to that shit on the radio
Don't stop for anyone
We're plastic but we still have fun!

2009-11-04T18:31:00.004+08:00

So, i won't hesitate no more,

no more, it cannot wait i'm sure
there's no need to complicate our time is short
this is our fate, i'm yours

Hope it goes well tmr.

If not.. I'm sorry.

Ciao.

2009-11-03T16:03:00.000+08:00

grahh. really want my geek specs!
HAHA okay having DCN prac nw. but i dont get anything :( so im updating :)
still havent gotten my laptop back yet :( feels terrible.
im alrdy lagging one week behind in my pracs. plus this term got so many projects.

grrrrr. oh wells.
promise, when my laptop comes in, i'll start working. hard. hahaha.
went out shopping w V during 5 hr break ytd HAHAHA
went t get her brother's shirt. for his birthday. mhmm. cotton on (Y)
so yeaaah. hahaha got something for myself too :)
just one ;)

then went back t sch for proj discussion and then to clubroom to celebrate darling's bday :)
2ND NOV: HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY CLARA ASHLEY TAN JIA HUI! :) :) :)
then went to mac to have pepper lunch (dinner/supper) w b and then went home :)
hehehe yay pepper lunch debut!
hehehe thanks for accomodating to me b :)
loveee youuu.

FARID POWER TO THE GEDEGAH! thank you bro!
HAHA nw im done w prac and can most prolly go off one hour before lect :) HEHEH

heheheh heres a small shoutout to b :)
i meant wht i said in th text last night k. honest :)
(L) no natter wht you'll become.. you'll always be my baby.
so just stay as who you are :)
i loved you for you in th first place :D

OKAAAAAAY time out for me!
time t go aaaaaand collect mac stickerssssss! :D

2009-10-31T22:29:00.002+08:00

Happy 83rd Bday Ahma! :)

HEHEHE.

(aiyo strawberry cakeeeeeeeee)

okaaay so yeah.

i guess im off to bed soon :)

Gta wake up at 530 for mass tmr :(

ayeeeeeee. okaaay bye :)

(L)

2009-10-31T13:51:00.002+08:00

Happy Birthday Fadzly! :)

HEHEHE okay la, belated. lol.

hope you had great fun ytd!

EHHHHH 20 ALRDY UH.

someone not teen anymore :P

"youre not a teen.. not yet an adult!"

HAHAHAH.

love love loveeee, bon bon! :)

2009-10-30T16:03:00.002+08:00

Christmas Songs and Ice-cream is LOVE.
I swear they can like.. take away all the stress in the world :)
at least in my world ;)

Seriously cant wait for Christmas :)

xoxo.

2009-10-28T14:20:00.006+08:00

AIYO CAN DIE.

KASEM TODAY SO HANDSOME!

when he play w th mic stands.
AIYOOOOOOOOOOO.
okay bye :)

"我被你迷住了"~

"I can’t sleep, I just can’t breathe
when your shadow is all over me baby
don’t wanna be, a fool in your eyes
‘cause what we had was built on lies
and when our love seems to fade away
listen to me hear what I say

I don’t wanna feel
the way that I do
I just wanna be
right here with you
I don’t wanna see
see us apart
I just wanna say it straight from my heart
I miss you...

what would it take, for you to see
to make you understand that I'll
always believe
you and I, can make it through
and I still know, I can’t get over you
‘cause when our love seems to fade away
listen to me hear what I say

I don’t wanna feel
the way that I do
I just wanna be
right here with you
I don’t wanna see
see us apart
I just wanna say it straight from my heart
oh baby I miss you, I do...

‘cause when our love always
fades away
listen to me hear what I say

I don’t wanna feel
the way that I do
I just wanna be
right here with you
I don’t wanna see
see us apart
I just wanna say it straight from my heart
I miss you, I miss you
I do...

I don’t wanna feel
the way that I do
I just wanna be
right here with you
I don’t wanna see
see us apart
I just wanna say it straight from my heart
oh baby I miss you, I do..."

2009-10-28T14:20:00.002+08:00

okay done. laptop still away so unable to blog properly. so yeah.
okay basically, performance done.
dance w my father w zul.
it was alright uh.
alright time t go.

prolly gna take a break from performing aft duet w maya.
yeah. i feel th stress.
i feel like im losing the love for music.
alright time t go for sakae nw.
LOVEEEEE (L)

i love you b :)